Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally painful things
a person can experience. Two people once united by love or some semblance thereof are now divided
due to infidelity, emotional or physical distance, mental or bodily abuse,
and a great deal of other “irreconcilable differences.”
Chances are at least one of the two parties in the divorce has been deeply
hurt by the other and often I see the hurt party’s decision-making
process become clouded by their pain and anger which then becomes the
fuel for a long, expensive, and drawn out process in dissolving the marriage—one
where nobody wins except the lawyers.
If you are thinking of a divorce or beginning the proceedings you need
to know all of your options. Sometimes it is a good thing to
fight in court and other times it serves everyone best if you engage in the
“supreme art of war” and “subdue the enemy without fighting,”
as Sun Tzu so wisely put it.
Mediation is becoming a popular way to obtain a divorce. A specially trainedmatrimonial
attorney or psychologist is hired as a mediator who will work with the
two parties to direct them away from the hurt of the present and toward
a peaceful resolution. Mediation can be as much as ten times lessexpensive
than fighting in court, can take as little as eight to twelve hours, and
prevents people from doing things to hurt each other over a long period
of time prolonging the anguish of divorce.
You can also instruct your lawyer to
negotiate with your soon-to-be-ex spouse’s lawyer, invariably keeping both
parties out of court—an option that is also less expensive than
a fight at the courthouse. The idea here is to work as fast as possible
toward a resolution of compromise.
But when do you fight and when do you find a way to get mediation or negotiate?
Though each divorce brings a unique set of circumstances, below is a list
of a few scenarios that might help you make a decision about when it’s
appropriate to instruct your lawyer to go to battle for you.
When to Fight:
- If there is abuse involved with either the spouse, the children, or both.
- If one party is refusing to fulfill their obligation to help pay their
portion of the mortgage.
- If one party is refusing to fulfill their familial obligation to pay for
their minor child or children’s expenses.
- Gratuitousirresponsible spending of the marital assets by one or both parties.
- If financial dishonesty is involved or suspected by one or both parties.
These, of course, are only a few scenarios but if you have any questions
as to the choice you are thinking of making, please feel free to
call me at (646) 663-4546, and I’d be happy to advise or help you fight or negotiate the outcome
you are looking for. I’m Lois Brenner and I will always help you
achieve the future you deserve.