The holidays are a time for reflection, love, and getting together with
family. Divorced families have an extra variable to take into account.
Because Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Winter break from school are all
just around the corner, I’ve had newly divorcing parents of young
children calling me about their custody situation.
Often, these parents have little idea that custody to which they’re
referring is actually a question of visitation. In fact, many soon to
be divorced parents confuse visitation with custody and as such, it puts
the fabric of their relationships and discussions in a precarious situation.
To that end, I want to dispel a few myths that surround child custody and
Is not defined as the primary residence of the children. Custody is the
right to make major decisions, including: What school the children will
attend, the children’s primary care physician, the religion of the
children, and attendance at sleep away summer camp. Custody can be retained
by one or both parents
Signifies the time children spend with each of their parents—especially
when it is with the parent whom the children spend less time.
There are many varieties of visitation arrangements. One parent can have
the children living with him full time while the other parent gets the
children for two weeknight dinners and weekends.
Factors in visitation can include: hours and location of parental employment,
location of children’s school in relation to one of the parent’s
residence, and the reliability and maturity of the parent.
In determining child custody and visitation rights, the decision is supposed
to be in the best interest of the child. A knock down, drag ‘em
out fight should be avoided.
Solely using the courts to make these decisions is expensive financially
and emotionally. Lawyers can cost tens of thousands of dollars or more
and can often be adversarial, elongating the time that a custody or visitation
decision will be made.
Judges can make decisions about your future by relying on the advice of
court-appointed psychiatrists who assess a family’s dynamics and
mental health. But how well can these doctors get a true understanding
of a family after only a couple of hours of evaluation?
Mediators are often much better equipped to help divorced parents make
custody and visitation decisions. Mediators using psychology and other
skills can help parents come to agreements that are in the best interests
of everyone—without spending tens of thousands of dollars. Mediators
can also help divorced parents make decisions without all of the hurtful
emotion behind a court battle.
For any other questions regarding child custody, visitation, or mediation
please feel free to call me at (646) 663-4546. I’d be happy to advise
you. I’m Lois Brenner and I will help you achieve the future you deserve.