“Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it
‘all the money,’ but they changed it to ‘alimony.’
It’s ripping your heart out through your wallet.”
Robin Williams
Money is an emotionally charged topic. That’s why few of us and few
couples like to talk about it. When couples come to see me and are considering
a divorce, money can actually be, yes, even more than sex, what is driving
the couple apart. Money can represent many things. Money is love, happiness,
security, control, freedom and lots more. When couples fight over money
usually deeper issues emerge. I find that these issues have long been
neglected and money has become the vehicle for battle. For most of us,
there’s just never enough money. We don’t realize when we
enter into a romantic relationship, there often a third party. A silent
partner. It’s money!
Before marriage couples discuss where they are going to live, children,
careers, and what side of the bed to sleep on, but never money? Money
is still a taboo topic. Some people have anxiety, guilt and even shame
about the way they handle money. Do you really want to tell a potential
spouse you’re an over spender? Not exactly the topic of discussion
you want to have before you are walking down the aisle. Most people have
complex relationships with their money. We usually learn about money from
our families as we grow up and the lessons can be very different. When
couples enter a marriage, and have different money styles, they can actually
battle and suffer together for years. As the marriage erodes and things
begin to explode, that’s when they come to see me. Usually by that
time it is already too late. Divorce is on the horizon.
The United States is a nation of overspenders. We live in a market economy
and we are led to believe that we are good citizens when we agree to go
out and spend our money, lots of it. So much so that we as a country and
as individuals are in massive debt. Because many of us feel alienated
and disconnected in today’s society, even with social networking
sites like Facebook and Twitter, we tend to overspend to fill an emptiness
within ourselves. If we are not overspending, than we are usually worrying
about money or hoarding it. Money is a complex focal point in many of
our thoughts.
Men and women also have different money styles. What sets women apart from
men is the different situations women will find themselves in during their
lifetime. Women live longer than men. They usually have been in and out
of the work force. When women marry they often become part of a financial
dependency that can work against them if they are not prepared. Women
are primarily the ones who raise the children, and often become the single
parent raising the children. Women usually care for aging family members.
A woman’s healthy relationship with money is vital in handling all
the responsibilities and difficulties she may face.
So what’s your money style? If you haven’t thought about it,
maybe it’s time! Get in touch with your money style before you make
important decisions in your life.
If I can help you and your spouse get in touch with how to manage money
issues if you are facing a divorce,
contact us. I will be happy to share amicable ideas on how to settle your money issues.