Five Ways to Survive the Holidays During a Divorce
Going through a separation or divorce during the holidays can be really dreadful!
This time of year you are expected to be festive and to behave as if things
are good. On the inside you’re feeling confused, sad and lonely.
The holiday season for divorcing couples can be a painful reminder of
I have some creative suggestions for you. Take that negative energy and
use it as fuel for laying productive groundwork towards your divorce process.
Funnel your pain into a productive process.
Here are some creative and productive coping mechanisms I like to share
with my clients:
- MAKE PLANS:
If you are thinking of or preparing for divorce use the holiday season
to target a start date and start organizing your thoughts and documents
to prepare to accomplish your divorce goals. While you are baking cookies
and trying to be festive you can also make divorce plans that will help
you feel more in control, goal oriented and less stressed. In addition,
don’t forget to combine this planning with a scheduled spa time
or a mini get away for a change of scenery.
- CREATE NEW TRADITIONS:
It’s time for you, your children and family members to start making
new memories and creating new family traditions. It’s interesting
to try new things and these adventures created by each spouse will capture
the hearts of your children, and lessen the family pain.
- ACT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILDREN:
Make good, solid decisions on your own or with your spouse if you can,
so the children are first and foremost. If you can plan to spend the holidays
together with the children, do so. If being separate from your spouse
is emotionally necessary and the children are going to spend half the
time with each of you, make it special so the children feel secure and
loved. Invite your children to participate in creating new holiday plans.
- ASK FOR HELP:
If you feel other professionals would be helpful to you and/or your children
as you move through divorce and the holidays, reach out. Having a healthy
support system can only help during this process. If you are feeling lonely
or depressed see a therapist or go to a support group. Children can often
benefit from therapy as well. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to explore
your options. This may only be a temporary measure.
- LOOK AHEAD WITH OPTIMISM:
I promise it will get better. Eventually, it will hurt less. It’s
like grief, if you have experienced it. You will start to see things more
clearly as you move through the divorce process. Do your research and
select the right attorney, mediator, therapist, and family members for
support. Spend time choosing the right partners for your process. Take
one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Try to embrace the holidays to
the best of your ability. You deserve happiness too!
If you’re thinking about divorce, let me help you through the holidays,
call me. I can provide a safe, supportive environment and help you gain
some valuable insight. I will share some problem-solving techniques to
help you deal with anger, anxiety, and sadness while you make important
There is no magic bullet to get rid of the holiday blues while divorcing,
but I promise to show you ways to make it a lot easier to cope. Call 212.734.1551.