We see all kinds of abusive relationships in the news but do you know many
marriages end today because one party is dealing with mental health issues
that result in abusive behaviors that destroy marriages?
Today a person facing divorce Googles “books” online, visits
Amazon.com or reads my blog after a barrage of confusing advice from friends
and relatives. You decide, before seeing a lawyer, you want to read a
book to help prepare for the costly and wrenching experience you are about
to endure. You will find several standard guides with such titles as “The
Divorce Handbook” and “Consultation with a Divorce Lawyer,”
“Verbal Abuse,” or “Mediation.” These books will
tell you what to expect as you begin the legal process of separation and
divorce. Such books provide explanations of the procedures of divorce
in the traditional system, from the first consultation with an attorney
to the final settlement and decree. After reading them, you will know
a great deal about the adversarial system and about mediation in general,
but virtually nothing about the psychology of divorce.
The central truth about divorce today is that divorce is a “psychological
experience”. Divorce is far more than just what’s on the court
papers, or what a judge decides. Divorce is about people, psychology and
the emotional health of a couple. The traditional divorce system is a
conflict-based, lengthy, and costly process which completely ignores the
psychological component of divorce and is far more interested in conflict and cost.
During 35 years of practice as a divorce attorney, psychologically-trained
medical professional, and court-appointed mediator I have developed a
psychologically-based divorce process that is highly effective, whether
litigating or mediating, and most importantly, healing. My method involves
behavior modifications, the use of psychology - identifying personality
and character traits, emotions, family dynamics, and skillfully applying
the law to develop strategies tailored to each couple for a more productive
and positive experience. My approach is less adversarial, less expensive,
and less time-consuming than the traditional system. I engage couples
in a productive discussion and effective decision-making, which leads
to healthier, more positive outcomes.
Unlike the standard divorce approach, this method takes into consideration
the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that affect divorcing couples, and
which, if properly identified, can be used to leverage a more successful
and calmer outcome. It addresses the pervasive presence of verbal abuse
in its many HIDDEN forms which include:
Criticizing
Hiding finances
Blaming
Controlling
Threatening
Denial
Insulting
Withholding
Ignoring
Gas lighting
Separating from friends and family
Verbal abuse disguised as jokes
Most attorneys treat divorce as a purely legal (and adversarial) experience.
I don’t! Divorce is not based solely on the law. It’s about you! All of you!
That includes the psychological make-up of both you and your spouse.
If I can help you navigate your divorce with a more positive and healthy
outcome, let me know. I am here to help. Call 212.734.1551