As a psychologically-trained medical professional, mediator, and divorce
attorney, I can spot divorce anxiety right away. I often hear and see
the symptoms before my clients do.
Why wouldn’t divorce be stressful? There are so many negative emotions
that arise once divorce is in the air. The decision to divorce is a big
life change.
Especially now with so much anxiety related to the COVID 19 virus, and
the holidays, having divorce anxiety is for some unbearable, but so is
being trapped at home in a miserable marriage.
Divorce is fueled by sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is especially
true if you have been married to your partner for many years.
My psychological training and legal experience gives me a unique insight
into the inner emotional workings of a divorcing couple. I like to say
when I work with couples I am not only addressing the head (legal strategy),
but also the heart (emotions) of the divorce process.
Most divorce attorneys’ education and training is to address only
the “legal” part of the divorce process. The legal system
does not educate or encourage divorce attorneys to address the emotional
component of divorce.
For me, divorce is about people, not just lawyers, judges, child support,
property, or assets.
While getting the best possible legal results for my clients is first and
foremost, helping clients maintain a healthy, balanced and less stressful
divorce journey is equally as important.
Here are some of my tips for handling divorce anxiety:
1. Preparation
There is a lot of planning that goes into a divorce. You’re thinking,
soul searching, researching, and making decisions. In addition to selecting
the right divorce attorney/mediator, couples should also consider working
with a therapist.
I find having some of my couples work with a skilled psychologist, who
is often part of my team, helps tremendously with the divorce process.
Additional emotional support is a great prescription for navigating the
highs and lows of divorce.
Therapy can be particularly helpful if one party is resistant to the divorce.
It is also an opportunity for some spouses to discuss the fact that one
of them wants a divorce and the other one doesn’t in a therapy session.
Having the therapist as part of this discussion can give a spouse the
support they need to address this difficult subject. This process can
help tremendously to get the divorce ball rolling.
As a mediator in a divorce mediation session, I can also help a spouse
introduce the divorce discussion and provide the other spouse with the
comfort and understanding of the possibility of handling the divorce amicably,
fairly, and cost effectively. This is all done virtually and is very effective.
2. Focus
If you have children, focus on them. They are going to need all the support
you can give them. Spend quality time with them. Depending on their age,
explain some of what’s going on in an age-appropriate manner, but
not all of it. Remember, they are children. They need to feel safe, secure,
and loved by both parents (especially during this pandemic).
Don’t speak negatively about your spouse (tempting though this may
be) to your child. Save that discussion for your therapy or mediation sessions
3. Support
In addition to the skilled representation of a divorce attorney/mediator
and emotional guidance and support of a therapist, surround yourself with
family and friends (on Zoom or Skype). The love and support of family
and friends is the best divorce medicine.
When someone is going through a divorce it is very common to become isolated.This
isolation often leads to depression. Don’t isolate yourself! I know
it feels like the easy way out, but it’s also the unhealthy way out.
Now is the time to stay strong and be supported. It’s not a timeto
be alone. It’s important for you to give yourself this gift. Treat
yourself well. You still have to come out on the other side of the divorce
process as a whole person.
Online support groups can be a great outlet as well. Speaking with others
going through a divorce can help you feel a lot less alone. You may even
make some wonderful new friends virtually.
If you find yourself thinking about divorce or are having trouble approaching
your spouse about divorce, I can help you!
Having a third party to help facilitate a healthy, informative conversation
about divorce can be an effective first step. I’m happy to take
the first step with you. You don’t have to do it alone!
During the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic all our
EE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore what is possible during a free informative consultation!
I look forward to speaking with you.
Continue to stay safe and healthy.
Warm holiday wishes,
Lois
Call New York divorce lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation.
212.734.1551
We still have some appointments available this week!