As a divorce attorney and psychologically trained mediator, I hear all
kinds of diverse divorce stories. I have decided to share some of these
stories monthly with you.
Naturally, I will change the names and some of the details to protect confidentiality.
The purpose of sharing these divorce stories with you is mostly to let
you know you are not alone. There are peaceful, rational solutions available
to you. You really can have a happily-ever-after.
I spoke with Diane 6 months ago who was calling me from her car. She explained
with COVID 19 and being trapped with her husband at home 24/7, she was
desperate to get out of a very toxic marriage. She had been unhappy for
a long time and wanted to take the first step in getting a divorce.
Diane’s husband had lost his job due to the pandemic and his abuse
toward her had only heightened. Her husband, Brian, would belittle her,
and remind her daily she was useless. The irony is that she is a quite
accomplished writer, national speaker, and mom of 2.
Diane’s biggest dilemma was how to approach her husband. She was
clearly afraid to confront him, but determined to move forward. She did
share with me that her husband was an alcoholic even before the pandemic.
His father committed suicide when he was 12 years old and he was emotionally
affected by this experience. He had worked on and off over the years as
an audio engineer. He refused to seek help from a therapist or psychiatrist
or take medication. Diane explained there were significant assets, mostly
acquired as a result of her career and an inheritance from her family.
She shared with me she didn’t want to hurt Brian, after all he was
the father of her children. She wanted to be generous in their settlement,
and also wanted him to have liberal visitation with their two children.
I suggested that I write a letter to Brian introducing mediation as an
option to address their marital issues and to process their divorce. Diane
agreed this would be a very helpful first step. In my letter to Brian
I explained the mediation process and offered him a free consultation
to learn more.
When he received the letter, he wasn’t surprised; he knew that his
wife was unhappy in their marriage and that she had been keeping her distance
for a long time.
Brian did call me. He was upset, but reasonable. We had a productive conversation
about mediation and some of the issues in the marriage.
As a psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator, I have experience
with spouses dealing with mental illness and addictions. Brian did mention
his issues with alcohol, spoke of his childhood, and the impact of his
depression on his life and marriage.
He at first hesitated, but then agreed the marriage was over, and said
he would try mediation.
Their mediation sessions were very emotional, but ultimately productive.
Diane did consent to a generous settlement. They agreed that she and the
children would remain in the marital residence. They also developed a
fair parenting and visitation schedule. Both agreed not to speak poorly
about the other parent to the children (something he did often). As part
of the settlement, Brain committed to going to therapy to treat his alcoholism
so he could feel better and have a healthier relationship with his children.
I was able to provide Brian with the names of a few addiction specialists
from my team of experts to interview. He did connect with one of them
in particular, and has been successfully working with him ever since.
If you would like to share your story with me, call me. I will give you
common-sense answers to all your divorce questions. I will help you, as
I did with Diane and her family, to find a silver lining, using my powerful
divorce mediation method so you can move on with your life peacefully.
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
I look forward to hearing your story and helping you find the best possible solution.
Stay healthy and safe!
New York divorce attorney Lois Brenner still has some appointments available
Please call to schedule your FREE consultation now.