Are you thinking about divorcing but afraid to take the first step? Is
the thought of getting a divorce keeping you up at night? Do you get heart
palpitations every time you start googling divorce attorneys?
Yes, divorce anxiety is a real thing. As a psychologically-trained medical
professional, mediator and divorce attorney, I can spot divorce anxiety
right away. I often hear and see the symptoms before my clients do.
Why wouldn’t divorce be stressful? There are so many negative emotions
that arise once divorce is in the air. The decision to divorce is a big
life change. Especially now with so much anxiety related to the COVID
19 virus and variants, having divorce anxiety is for some unbearable,
but so is being trapped in a miserable marriage.
Divorce is fueled by sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is especially
true if you have been married to your partner for many years.
My psychological training and legal experience give me a unique insight
into the inner emotional workings of a divorcing couple. I like to say
when I work with couples I am not only addressing the head (legal strategy),
but also the heart (emotions) of the divorce process.
Most divorce attorneys’ education and training is to address only
the “legal” part of the divorce process. The legal system
does not educate or encourage divorce attorneys to address the emotional
component of divorce.
For me, divorce is about people, not just lawyers, judges, child support,
property or assets. While getting the best possible legal results for
my clients is first and foremost, helping clients maintain a healthy,
balanced, and less stressful divorce journey is equally as important.
Here are some suggestions on getting started:
There is a lot of planning that goes into a divorce. You’re thinking,
soul searching, researching, and making decisions. In addition to selecting
the right divorce attorney/mediator, couples should also consider working
with a therapist. I find having some of my couples work with a skilled
psychologist, who is often part of my team, helps tremendously with the
divorce process. Sometimes it’s even a good idea to work with a
psychiatrist to prescribe medication, if necessary.
Additional emotional support is a great prescription for navigating the
highs and lows of divorce. Therapy can be particularly helpful if one
party is resistant to the divorce. It is also an opportunity for some
spouses to discuss they want a divorce in a therapy session. Having the
therapist as part of this discussion can give a spouse the support they
need to address this difficult subject. This process can help tremendously
to get the divorce ball rolling.
As a mediator, in a divorce mediation session, I can also help a spouse
introduce the divorce discussion and provide the other spouse with the
comfort and understanding of the possibility of handling the divorce amicably,
fairly, and cost effectively. This can all be done virtually and is very
- ) Focus
If you have children, focus on them. They are going to need all the support
you can give them. Spend quality time with them. Depending on their age,
explain some of what’s going on, in an age-appropriate manner, but
not all of it.
Remember, they are children. They need to feel safe, secure, and loved
by both parents (especially during this pandemic). Don’t speak negatively
about your spouse (tempting though this may be) to your child. Save that
behavior for your therapy or mediation sessions.
- ) Support
In addition to the skilled representation of a divorce attorney/mediator,
and emotional guidance and support of a therapist, surround yourself with
family and friends. The love and support of family and friends is the
best divorce medicine.
When someone is going through a divorce, it is very common to become isolated.
This isolation often leads to depression. Don’t isolate yourself!
I know it feels like the easy way out, but it’s also the unhealthy
way out. It’s time to stay strong and be supported. It’s not
a time to be alone. It’s important for you to give yourself this
gift. Treat yourself well. You still have to come out on the other side
as a whole person.
Online support groups can be a great outlet as well. Speaking with others
going through a divorce can help you feel a lot less alone. You may even
make some wonderful new friends.
If you find yourself thinking about divorce, or having anxiety about what
to do, call me. I can help you!
Having a third party to help facilitate a healthy, informative, conversation
about divorce can be an effective first step.
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore and learn more about divorce, how it works and what
I look forward to speaking with you.
Continue to stay healthy and stay!
Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation.