Divorcing? You can save money, time, and aggravation, and you don’t
have to fight and go to court!
As a highly skilled divorce attorney and psychologically trained mediator,
I can tell you there is a better, healthier solution. It’s called
mediation. My unique divorce mediation process requires no court appearances
and it will save you money, time, and pain.
Many of my divorce clients are calling my mediation process a welcome solution
to addressing how they can divorce, while saving money, in the midst of
what has been over this past year a time of emotional turmoil and financial crisis.
How Mediation Works
The divorcing couple hires one individual, instead of two opposing divorce
lawyers, to help them resolve their differences. The divorce mediator
is an independent, unbiased individual, trained in mediation (usually
a lawyer or a mental health professional), whose job is to facilitate
an agreement on all issues between the husband and wife. The results are
astonishing and are achieved often in hours and weeks, instead of months
How does this happen?
The answer is in the process, and in the skills of the divorce mediator,
which include a good knowledge of negotiating, creative problem-solving,
and psychology. What happens when divorcing couples use the traditional
adversarial system? Each spouse hires a divorce lawyer, often paying from
$5,000 to $ 25,000 as an initial retainer for each gladiator. This down
payment will be used up at the rate of from $200 to over $750 per hour,
for the lawyers’ time, depending on the location (state, city),
and the expertise and reputation of the lawyer.
Since it is the divorce lawyer’s job to represent a client “zealously”
within the bounds of the law, the divorce attorneys usually embark upon
their mission enthusiastically, with the intent to “win” for
their client, whatever the definition of “win” might be in
the situation. This creates instant conflict, even between couples who
may have disagreements, but are not necessarily adversarial. The nature
of the legal system requires the participants to be adversaries.
The name of the game is to make things as difficult and uncomfortable as
possible for the other “side.” (even the nomenclature is adversarial).
This is done by such methods as refusing to pay family bills, like the
mortgage and utilities, refusing to supply needed spending money to a
dependent spouse, and/or refusing to allow the other parent to visit freely
with the children.
This behavior does not always happen, of course, but it happens often enough,
fueled by anger and hurt as to why the marriage is ending, that it has
become infamous for the pain it inflicts. The goal of sparring divorce
lawyers and clients is to make someone so vulnerable that they will settle
the entire matter on terms advantageous to the other side.
Not every divorcing couple starts out wanting to hurt each other by withholding
money or children. Ultimately, judges will make decisions about who gets
what, but not until many months or even years go by, and thousands of
dollars with delays, adjournments, the slowness of the bureaucratic system,
until justice delayed is justice denied, with enormous financial and emotional
cost to the entire family, especially the children, who are sometimes
used as pawns. Control is no longer with the couple, but in the hands
of strangers – the judge and the divorce attorneys.
As a divorce attorney and mediator, when couples meet with me virtually,
they have a strong tendency to talk about their grievances during the
marriage – what happened in the past. There is plenty of blame and
name-calling to go around.
I tell them talking about the past does not result in an agreement. In
fact, it often prevents the development of an agreement. Part of my role
as a divorce mediator is to encourage the couple to talk about what they
want for the future. This feels sort of strange to the couple who is used
to arguing about past behavior.
I will often summarize for them, emphasizing useful information and ignoring
irrelevant and emotional comments. I also use a “normalizing”
technique, where I reassure couples that their problems are not unique
and that other people have struggled with the same issues before and have
successfully resolved them in mediation.
If you decide to try mediation, during our sessions I will give you the
tools and resources to strategically navigate your divorce with legal
understanding, identifying psychological issues, addressing anger, and
skillfully helping you choose a healthy path to ending your marriage.
We will discuss how to interact with your spouse, budgets, income, assets,
property, a family business, spousal support, child support, life insurance,
health insurance and, in some cases addiction, mental health issues, cheating,
your spouse hiding assets, and sadly, in other situations, abuse.
We will discuss it all and together select a healthy path for you to divorce
with sanity, dignity and without having to go to court!
I am an advocate for divorce with civility and dignity. I have mastered
divorce mediation techniques and will use sound legal strategy and psychology
to get you through the divorce process without going to court, or draining
your bank account, especially during this financially challenging time.
I am offering
Free 1 Hour Consultations which are conducted discreetly and virtually to reduce risk.
Call now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551
I look forward to working with you!
Stay healthy and safe!
Call Divorce Lawyer/Mediator Lois Brenner to learn more about the magic
of divorce mediation and to schedule your free consultation. Call 212.734.1551.