With children going back to school and couples scrambling to fix their
schedules and organize their lives, some spouses are also thinking of
changing their lives. For some that means pursuing a divorce.
However, with an eye on a brighter future and the fair distribution of
marital assets, the future of the most precious and valuable marital “asset”
is often treated the most poorly: the children.
As a psychologically trained divorce mediator and divorce attorney for
over thirty-five years, I have found that minor children are the subject
of serious contention and are often used as pawns in the marital conflict
which always negatively affects the child’s well-being and emotional
I am working with two couples right now in the mediation process who have
forgotten it’s crucial to navigate divorce not only in their best
interest but also in the best interest of their children.
Here are five tips for parents to consider in regard to the treatment of
their minor children when going through a divorce.
Consult a therapist
or trained mediator to discuss the best, most age-appropriate way to break the news of divorce
to your children. This therapist should be an objective, non-partisan
third party concerned only with the emotional well-being of his or her
Inform your children together as a united front so they know each parent has an equal part in the dissolution
of the marriage (details are not necessary) and know that it’s okay
for both parents to be loved and respected. This also assists in letting
the children know that it’s about
you and not about
Be respectful when speaking about your former spouse to your children. This keeps your
children out of the line of fire and on the sidelines with much of their
Protect your children, maintaining your parental role. The children should not be spoken to
like a coworker, friend, or your hairstylist when it comes to talking
about your divorce. They don’t need to know who’s getting
to keep the microwave or the intricacies of the dissatisfying sex life
you had with your former spouse.
“Am I acting out of hurt or am I acting in the best interests of
my children?” Does the custody and control you seek reflect your need to show your former
spouse who’s boss or is it truly in the best interests of your children?
Long drawn-out custody battles can be emotionally debilitating for you
and the children and can cause the waste of hundreds of thousands of dollars
that could be going toward your child’s college fund.
Children do not deserve to become pieces of ammunition during a divorce.
By allowing them to be impartial observers, you’re giving them the
chance at not only a childhood but well-adjusted adulthood.
If you find yourself thinking about divorce, if you have any questions
about the many variables of the treatment of minor children while going
through a divorce, please feel free to call me at 212.734.1551, and I’ll
be happy to advise you on how to keep your children first!!
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore, during a free informative consultation, what is possible!
I look forward to speaking with you.
Continue to stay healthy and safe!
Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation.