As a psychologically trained divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years, I have helped many women in abusive relationships, but I’ve also helped abused men too!
Men abused by their wives are entitled to be believed, heard and helped. A man being abused by his wife deserves to get a divorce, if that is what needs to be done!
Abuse can come in many forms, both physical and psychological. Psychological abuse can be equally damaging as physical, if not more.
Divorcing an abusive wife can be difficult because of the intense emotional bond that existed when the marriage was new. Abuse wears at the fiber of marriage, and men being abused often deal with shame and feel embarrassed to talk about it.
I have seen abusive wives often use the children to manipulate the husband and to maintain control in a relationship. Men often worry about losing their children, their assets, property and pensions, should a divorce occur.
When abused husbands contact me I provide a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings, and give them a platform to be heard, respected and understood. In addition, for those that might not recognize they are in an abusive relationship, I can help them realize they are being abused, and provide support and suggestions on how to productively and safely engage with their spouse or not.
By the time a man consults with me he is already considering separation, possibly divorce, but often feels really conflicted.
For men not totally sure they are being abused in their marriage, here are some examples of what abuse looks like:
Your wife is:
- Constantly putting you down;
- Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;
- Refusing to communicate;
- Using sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice;
- Using children or money for control;
- Withholding affection;
- Always making you feel guilty;
- Making everything your fault;
- Isolating you from friends and family;
- Having extramarital affairs.
I often advise husbands being abused by wives to create an exit strategy. I suggest they get educated and discuss what documentation to gather. I recommend they start making copies of everything. We discuss finances, children, and possible approaches to a divorce. I explain mediation, litigation and negotiation in detail.
I do encourage mediation since it’s less adversarial, not as expensive as fighting in court, and the divorce can happen quickly.
For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to discuss their marital issues, I can help them as a couple navigate a civil and informed discussion.
My psychologically infused divorce mediation method includes:
- Listening to both parties;
- Acknowledging what they both need and want;
- Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;
- Discouraging talking about the past;
- Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in the room” with both;
- Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions to thrive;
- Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal issues like: child custody, spousal support, visitation, asset allocation and property division, just to name a few;
- Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems, whether it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs too deep and communication is impossible.
If you find yourself hurt and confused, and abused by your wife and are thinking of separation or divorce, don’t be embarrassed, call me. I can help you!
As a psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I have some skilled psychological tools and legal strategy to provide you with a compassionate and comprehensive approach to divorce.
I will help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and I will encourage you to successfully navigate the best divorce path for you.
All ourFREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS arestill available virtually.
Don’t stay in an abusive marriage! Take the first step and call me now! Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. You will be in safe and supportive hands.
Warm regards,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer and abuse expert Lois Brenner today to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551