Here is an email I received a few months ago:
Dear Lois,
Can I speak with you? I am pregnant and my husband has just announced he
is leaving me for another woman. I feel sick! I just want to run away.
I know I can’t. I don’t know what to do. Please help!
-Nicole-
As a psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35
years, I have helped many women go through a divorce while pregnant. This
is a delicate process and requires compassion and a special understanding.
It really saddened me to see this email. And yes, of course I reached out
and helped this lovely young woman.
I am happy to report Nicole has just given birth to a beautiful baby boy,
and she and her husband are working out their divorce issues using my
psychologically-infused divorce mediation process.
We are currently working on a visitation plan and things are going smoothly.
It hasn’t been easy, but my method has been productive. It’s
important to know if you find yourself in this situation a positive resolution
is possible.
For most, having a baby is a glorious time in a couple’s life. It’s
all about shopping for baby furniture, selecting names, reading baby books
and preparing to bring a beautiful part of you into the world.
For couples who decide to divorce during a pregnancy whether it’s
due to infidelity, abuse, or simply irreconcilable differences, this can
be a very sad and emotionally difficult time. It takes a lot of courage,
while pregnant, to reach out for help and decide to divorce.
First, I ask couples if it is at all possible to save their marriage. I
think the only responsible thing to do as a psychologically-trained divorce
attorney is to help the couple explore keeping the family together. Is
marriage counseling an option? What about a postnuptial agreement?
Sometimes marriages can be saved if a couple slows down, talks about what’s
going on, and seeks a third party to shed some light on the problem.
Clearly in Nicole’s case saving the marriage was not an option. Her
husband was moving on with his life with another woman, no matter what.
Nicole shared with me later that there was trouble in their marriage before
the pregnancy. She thought (as some women do) getting pregnant would solve
their problems.
Unfortunately, it didn’t. This particular mediation case started
out with a lot of anger and a lot of tears. After a few heated conversations,
I was successfully able to guide them on productively communicating and
addressing their legal issues and creating a mutually agreeable parenting plan.
Their parenting plan, for example, included their both creating an identical
room for their baby in each of their homes so baby Brian would have some
familiar surroundings and continuity when he was with each of them.
If you are pregnant and find yourself considering divorce, there are ways
to move through this process with as little stress as possible.
A well thought-out, comprehensive plan, along with the help of professionals,
and lots of love for your newborn will see you both through.
I promise!
In developing your plan, there are some crucial points to consider:
- If you are separating, live in close proximity to each other so you can
both spend quality time with your newborn;
- Try to be civil to each other in the presence of your newborn; (babies
pick-up on emotional turmoil);
- Come together for the sake of the baby-discussing names, planning the baby’s
room; and surround yourselves with supportive friends and family;
- Start discussing terms about child support and visitation sooner, rather
than later.
If you are divorcing while pregnant, I can help you through the process.
I have helped many couples over the last 35+ years. Your pregnancy can
still be joyful even through a divorce. Surround yourself with the right
people to help get you through. If I can help, call me! You don’t
have to do this alone!
All our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore during a free, informative and discreet consultation
what is possible!
I look forward to speaking with you.
Stay healthy and safe!
Warm wishes,
Lois
Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation.
212.734.1551
We still have some appointments available this week!