As a psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35
years, I have successfully helped many spouses navigate the complexities
Here is a text I received seven months ago months ago:
I need your help! I am pregnant with twins and my husband is verbally abusing
me on a daily basis. He is calling me fat, stupid and it goes on and on.
I won’t live like this or raise my children in an abusive home.
I don’t know what to do. Please help! Emma
It really saddened me to see this email. And yes, of course I reached out
and helped this lovely young woman.
I am happy to report she has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl
and a baby boy, and she and her husband are working out their divorce
issues using my psychologically-infused divorce mediation process.
We are currently working on a visitation plan and things are going smoothly.
It hasn’t been easy, but my method has been productive. It’s
important to know if you find yourself in this situation, a positive resolution
For most, having a baby is a glorious time in a couple’s life. It’s
all about shopping for baby furniture, selecting names, reading baby books
and preparing to bring a beautiful part of you into the world.
For couples who decide to divorce during a pregnancy whether it’s
due to abuse, infidelity or simply irreconcilable differences, this can
be a very sad, and emotionally difficult time. It takes a lot of courage,
while pregnant, to reach out for help and decide to divorce.
First, I ask couples if it is at all possible to save their marriage. I
think the only responsible thing to do as a psychologically-trained divorce
attorney is to help the couple explore keeping the family together. Is
marriage counseling an option? A postnuptial agreement?
Sometimes marriages can be saved if a couple slows down, talks about what’s
going on and seeks a third party to shed some light on the problem.
In Emma’s case saving the marriage was not an option. Her husband
was abusive and although he started to seek therapy for treatment, he
had a long way to go and saving the marriage was not possible. Emma shared
with me later that there was trouble in their marriage before the pregnancy.
She thought (as some women do) getting pregnant would solve their problems.
Unfortunately, it didn’t. This particular mediation case started
out with a lot of anger and a lot of tears. After a few heated conversations,
I was successfully able to guide them on productively communicating and
addressing their legal issues and creating a parenting plan they could
both live with.
Their parenting plan, for example, included them both creating an identical
room for their babies in each of their homes so they would have some familiar
surroundings and continuity when they were with each of them.
If you are pregnant and find yourself considering divorce, there are ways
to move through this process with as little stress as possible.
A well though-out, comprehensive plan, along with the help of professionals,
and lots of love for your newborn will see you both through.
In developing your plan there are some crucial points to consider:
- If you are separating, live in close proximity to each other so you can
both spend quality time with your newborn;
- Try to be civil to each other in the presence of your newborn; (babies
pick-up on emotional turmoil);
- Come together for the sake of the baby-discussing names, planning the baby’s
room; and surround yourselves with supportive friends and family;
- Start discussing terms about child support and visitation sooner, rather
- It’s important to note some states prohibit divorce during pregnancy,
some do not. Please check the laws of the state in which you reside.
If you are divorcing while pregnant I can help you through the process.
I have helped many couples over the last 35+ years. Your pregnancy can
still be joyful even through a divorce. Surround yourself with the right
people to help get you through. If I can help, call me!
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
still available virtually to reduce risk.
Call me to explore, during a free informative consultation, what is possible!
I look forward to speaking with you.
Stay healthy and safe!
Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation.
We still have some appointments available this week!