Ken and Andrea have been married for 16 years. They have an 8-year-old
daughter on the autism spectrum.
Ken is a tech specialist, and Andrea works part-time in an art gallery.
For the past 3 years, Ken has been concerned that his wife has been in
denial about the extent of their daughter’s autism, and she is not
willing to do everything possible to consider all types of treatment.
Ken has repeatedly asked his wife to take their daughter to see different
experts and to try different modalities of treatment. He has begged his
wife to pay more attention to their daughter’s emotional and psychological
needs as well.
He decided to call me to discuss his concerns. He felt very disconnected
from his wife for other reasons as well. He said they had grown apart
and he was seriously considering divorce.
Ken said he decided to get a divorce for many reasons but most importantly
to be in a stronger position to help his daughter. The problem? He was
having a really difficult time telling his wife he wanted a divorce and
he decided to call me to get some advice.
These days, this type of phone call for me is unfortunately the norm. With
so many unhappy couples having spent so much time together over the last
few years, lots of couples are reaching out for help.
The most asked question I receive is “How do I talk to my spouse
about divorce? I can’t do this anymore, but I’m afraid to
bring up divorce. What can I do?”
Here are a few suggestions I make to those seeking help that seem to work:
Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the
relationship while working with the therapist. Amazing, skilled therapists
that are part of my team are very effective with this approach!
- Tell your spouse that you are concerned about the marriage and the distance
in your relationship. You want to do what is in the best interest of the
family and some uncomfortable discussions are necessary.
- Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths and suggest that
you spend some time separately with your children.
- Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and
ask his/her opinion.
- Discuss divorce in the context of negotiation or mediation which will permit
the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive
discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.
No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid
an argument. I know this is difficult.
It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your
spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start
bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control.
I am here to help you!
As a highly experienced, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator
with more than 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways
to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate
to call me.
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are still available virtually!
I look forward to helping you start your divorce conversation! I have got
some really good ideas!
Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner to learn how to approach your
divorce conversation with your spouse!
Schedule your Free 1 Hour Consultation now!