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6 Steps to End a Toxic Marriage


Relationships that have unhealthy patterns like abuse, infidelity, addictions, and so on, are more common than you think. This is a serious problem, and its affects can be paralyzing.

Lots of people on the outside often wonder why you stay in an unhealthy marriage. If someone is abusive why don’t you just leave them? Well, it’s not that easy.

When you get tied up in an abusive relationship, seeing a way out is often blurred. Sometimes you are held hostage financially, worried about the children or are simply worn out and don’t have the energy to fight for yourself.

In this type of marriage one partner is often manipulated and controlled. This often comes in the form of threatening a partner with emotional, physical or financial consequences if they want out of the relationship.

As a divorce attorney and mediator, I hear stories about women, and sometimes men, in abusive relationships all the time. I have helped many spouses find their way out of toxic relationships.

Here are 6 of my tips for ending a toxic marriage:

1. If you are going to end a marriage, think about how you are going to make the transition. Make a plan.

What do your finances look like, where will you live, what will you need, who should you speak to, what type of professional help will you need, such as an attorney, mediator, therapist, financial planner?

2. If you don’t have a career or a way to support yourself, go to school, get some training, get a part-time job. Start to create some financial independence. This is your ticket to freedom.

3. Start speaking to family and friends. If you have been isolated from family or friends, or have done this yourself because of fear or embarrassment, start confiding in someone you trust. You need emotional support from family and friends.

4. Seek professional help. Start interviewing therapists and divorce attorney/mediators to get the information you need to move out of this toxic marriage. Decide if a therapist will provide you with the emotional strength you will need to detach from your toxic partner. Work with a divorce attorney/mediator who truly understands and has experience that will support what you need to accomplish in your divorce.

5. Start distancing from your toxic spouse. Engage less, and create some space between the two of you. I know this is difficult with many people still working at home. Find ways to interact less to protect yourself mentally and emotionally while you make you plans to move yourself out of your toxic marriage.

I know you might be scared. You don’t need to be. There is a way out of a toxic marriage. I can help you. You can begin making some very small moves to start. Call me so I can walk you through what is possible.

With over 35 years of experience, legally and medically, I have some solid advice that can help you find the strength and give you the knowledge necessary to remove yourself from an unhealthy marriage.

During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic, all our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk and maintain safety.

I look forward to answering all your questions.

Continue to Stay Healthy and Stay Safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation.

We still have some time slots available this week.

Call 212.734.1551