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Are You Suffering from Divorce Anxiety?


As a psychologically-trained medical professional, mediator, and divorce attorney, I can spot divorce anxiety right away. I often hear and see the symptoms before my clients do.

Why wouldn’t divorce be stressful? There are so many negative emotions that arise once divorce is in the air. The decision to divorce is a big life change.

Especially now with so much anxiety related to the COVID 19 virus, and the holidays, having divorce anxiety is for some unbearable, but so is being trapped at home in a miserable marriage.

Divorce is fueled by sadness, anger, fear, and confusion. This is especially true if you have been married to your partner for many years.

My psychological training and legal experience gives me a unique insight into the inner emotional workings of a divorcing couple. I like to say when I work with couples I am not only addressing the head (legal strategy), but also the heart (emotions) of the divorce process.

Most divorce attorneys’ education and training is to address only the “legal” part of the divorce process. The legal system does not educate or encourage divorce attorneys to address the emotional component of divorce.

For me, divorce is about people, not just lawyers, judges, child support, property, or assets.

While getting the best possible legal results for my clients is first and foremost, helping clients maintain a healthy, balanced and less stressful divorce journey is equally as important.

Here are some of my tips for handling divorce anxiety:

1. Preparation

There is a lot of planning that goes into a divorce. You’re thinking, soul searching, researching, and making decisions. In addition to selecting the right divorce attorney/mediator, couples should also consider working with a therapist.

I find having some of my couples work with a skilled psychologist, who is often part of my team, helps tremendously with the divorce process. Additional emotional support is a great prescription for navigating the highs and lows of divorce.

Therapy can be particularly helpful if one party is resistant to the divorce. It is also an opportunity for some spouses to discuss the fact that one of them wants a divorce and the other one doesn’t in a therapy session. Having the therapist as part of this discussion can give a spouse the support they need to address this difficult subject. This process can help tremendously to get the divorce ball rolling.

As a mediator in a divorce mediation session, I can also help a spouse introduce the divorce discussion and provide the other spouse with the comfort and understanding of the possibility of handling the divorce amicably, fairly, and cost effectively. This is all done virtually and is very effective.

2. Focus

If you have children, focus on them. They are going to need all the support you can give them. Spend quality time with them. Depending on their age, explain some of what’s going on in an age-appropriate manner, but not all of it. Remember, they are children. They need to feel safe, secure, and loved by both parents (especially during this pandemic).

Don’t speak negatively about your spouse (tempting though this may be) to your child. Save that discussion for your therapy or mediation sessions

3. Support

In addition to the skilled representation of a divorce attorney/mediator and emotional guidance and support of a therapist, surround yourself with family and friends (on Zoom or Skype). The love and support of family and friends is the best divorce medicine.

When someone is going through a divorce it is very common to become isolated.This isolation often leads to depression. Don’t isolate yourself! I know it feels like the easy way out, but it’s also the unhealthy way out.

Now is the time to stay strong and be supported. It’s not a timeto be alone. It’s important for you to give yourself this gift. Treat yourself well. You still have to come out on the other side of the divorce process as a whole person.

Online support groups can be a great outlet as well. Speaking with others going through a divorce can help you feel a lot less alone. You may even make some wonderful new friends virtually.

If you find yourself thinking about divorce or are having trouble approaching your spouse about divorce, I can help you!

Having a third party to help facilitate a healthy, informative conversation about divorce can be an effective first step. I’m happy to take the first step with you. You don’t have to do it alone!

During the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic all our EE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.

Call me to explore what is possible during a free informative consultation!

I look forward to speaking with you.

Continue to stay safe and healthy.

Warm holiday wishes,


Call New York divorce lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551

We still have some appointments available this week!