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Are You a Man in an Abusive Relationship?


As a psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I have worked with a few men in the last six months who all found themselves in very emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive, relationships with their wives.

The abuse was heightened while couples were quarantining due to the coronavirus. These men all felt ashamed but found strength and reached out for consultations and took control of their lives.

For a man, recognizing he is being abused is often difficult and emotionally distressing. In some cases, he doesn’t even realize he is being abused. For a man, there can be shame and embarrassment attached to admitting they are being abused by their wife.

As a psychologically trained medical professional and divorce attorney, I am uniquely qualified to work with men and women in abusive relationships.

First, I provide a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings and give them a platform to be heard, respected, and understood. In addition, for those that might not recognize they are in an abusive relationship, I can help them realize they are being abused, and provide support and suggestions on how to productively and safely engage with their spouse or not.

By the time a man consults with me he is already considering separation, possibly divorce, but often feels embarrassed and really conflicted.

For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to discuss the marital issues, we schedule a conference call so I can help them as a couple navigate a rational, hopefully civil and informed discussion.

My psychological/legal approach to divorce mediation includes:

  1. Listening to both parties;
  2. Acknowledging what they both need and want;
  3. Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;
  4. Discouraging talking about the past;
  5. Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in the room” with both;
  6. Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions to thrive;
  7. Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal issues like: child custody, spousal support, visitation, asset allocation and property division, just to name a few.
  8. Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems, whether it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs too deep and communication is impossible.

Some of you may be asking - “What does abuse look like?” Here are a few clues:

  1. Constantly putting you down;
  2. Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;
  3. Refusing to communicate;
  4. Using sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice;
  5. Using children or money for control;
  6. Withdrawal of affection;
  7. Guilt trips;
  8. Making everything your fault;
  9. Isolating you from friends and family;
  10. Extramarital affairs.

If you find yourself hurt and confused by the behaviors of your spouse and are thinking of separation or divorce, call me.

I can help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and I will help you successfully navigate a peaceful and safe path to divorce.

During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic all our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually by telephone to reduce risk and maintain safety!

Continue to Stay Healthy & Safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551