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Tips for Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce!


Gareth and Lena have been married for 12 years. They have a 5-year-old son with behavioral problems.

Gareth is an engineer, and Lena works part-time as a paralegal.

For the past 3 years, Gareth has been concerned that his wife has been in denial about their son’s behavioral issues and has not been willing to do everything possible to get him treatment.

Gareth has repeatedly asked his wife to take their son to see different doctors/psychologists to get a diagnosis and to try different behavioral treatments. He has begged his wife to pay more attention to their son’s emotional outbursts and psychological needs. She repeatedly says, “There is nothing wrong with our son.”

He decided during the pandemic, while being quarantined with his family, that he had to make some really hard decisions in order to save his child.

After much deliberation, Gareth decided to get a divorce to be in a stronger position to help his son. My litigation partner and I were finally able to help him get custody of his son. It turns out his son is on the autism spectrum and the child is now receiving the treatment he needed.

But the problem initially was that Gareth was having a really difficult time telling his wife while in quarantine with her, that he wanted a divorce.

He saw some of my reviews on Avvo and he decided to call me to get some advice. As a divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years, I was able to give him a few good suggestions on how to approach her, and he did!

During the pandemic, this type of phone call for me was unfortunately the norm. With so many unhappy couples spending so much time together, couples have been reaching out for help in record numbers for help.

The most asked question I receive is “How do I talk to my spouse about divorce? I can’t live like this anymore, but I’m afraid to bring up a divorce discussion with my spouse. What can I do?”

Here are a few of my suggestions to help get the conversation going!

1. Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the relationship in the therapists office.

2. Tell your spouse that you had a lot of time to think during the pandemic and having spent so much time together you realize there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.

3. Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths, and suggest that you spend some

time separately with your children.

4. Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and ask his/her opinion.

5. Discuss divorce in the context of mediation which will permit the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.

No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid an argument. I know this is difficult.

It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control.

As a highly experienced, psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator with over 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to call me.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are discreetly and conveniently conducted virtually to continue to reduce risk.

We still have a few appointments available for this week.

I look forward to helping you.

Stay healthy and safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner for all your divorce needs now!

Schedule your Free 1 Hour Consultation.

Call 212.734.1551