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Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce!


Adam and Luanne have been married for 12 years. They have 2 children 7 and 9 years old.

Adam is an audio engineer, and Luanne works in pharmaceutical sales.

For the past 3 years, Luanne has been concerned that her husband has been running up a lot of debt. She has spoken to him repeatedly but with no success. He refuses to listen or explain his behavior.

Luanne has repeatedly asked her husband to go for some credit counseling and therapy. He claims he needs everything he purchases and that she is being unreasonable.

Luanne said during the pandemic the debts increased even more with her husband ordering items obsessively from Amazon and having purchases delivered daily.

After a lot of thought, Luanne decided to get a divorce to be in a stronger position to protect her family financially. The problem? She was having a really difficult time telling her husband and she decided to call me to get some advice. We discussed various ways to speak with him about divorce and mediation and they eventually worked with me to dissolve their marriage.

This type of phone call for me is unfortunately the norm. With so many unhappy spouses having spent so much time together over the last two years in close quarters, spouses are reaching out for help.

The most asked question I receive is “How do I talk to my spouse about divorce? I can’t do this anymore, but I’m afraid to bring divorce up. What can I do?”

Here are a few suggestions I make to those seeking help that seems to work:

1. Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the relationship while working with the therapist. This can be accomplished in conference calls, on Zoom, Skype, or in-person meetings. You can choose what is most comfortable for you!

2. Tell your spouse that having spent so much time together, you realize there are some serious issues that need to be addressed.

3. Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths, and suggest that you spend some

time separately with your children.

4. Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and ask his/her opinion.

5. Discuss divorce in the context of mediation which will permit the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.

It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control.

No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid an argument. I know this is difficult but taking the first step will move you closer to where you want to be.

As a highly experienced, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator with over 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to call me.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.

We still have some appointments available for this week.

I look forward to helping you.

Stay healthy and safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner now to book your Free 1 Hour Consultation.