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Considering Divorce While Caring for Your Infant?


Here is a text I received 11 months ago:

Dear Ms. Brenner,

I am a first time mom and I am caring for my two month old son. I have decided I must get out of a hostile, abusive and very controlling marriage. I feel all alone. Can you help me?


As a psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, I have helped many women go through a divorce while caring for an infant. This is a delicate process and requires compassion and a special understanding.

It really saddened me to receive this text. And yes, of course I reached out and helped this lovely young woman.

I am happy to report Brandy has just received her divorce judgment and is moving on with her life.

We were able to work out their divorce issues using my psychologically infused divorce mediation process. Psychology plays an important role in almost every divorce in one form or another.

We worked out a fair custody and visitation plan and things are going smoothly. It hasn’t been easy, but my method has been very productive. It’s important to know if you find yourself in this situation a positive resolution is possible.

For most, having a new baby is a glorious time in a couple’s life. It’s all about bonding and experiencing all the amazing changes in your infant as they evolve and grow.

For couples who decide to divorce during their child’s infancy, whether it’s due to control, abuse, or simply irreconcilable differences, this can be a very sad and emotionally difficult time. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and decide to divorce.

First, I ask couples if it is at all possible to save their marriage. I think the only responsible thing to do as a psychologically trained divorce attorney is to help the couple explore keeping the family together. Is marriage counseling an option? What about a postnuptial agreement?

Sometimes marriages can be saved if a couple slows down, talks about what’s going on, and seeks a third party to shed some light on the problem.

Clearly, in Brandy’s case saving the marriage was not an option. Her husband was extremely controlling. He dictated her every move when it came to the baby and treated her as simply a means to procreate. He showed her no affection, was vile in his comments to her and treated her with no respect. All he wanted was his son. This was a cruel man and she was an abused young woman.

Brandy shared with me she suspected he was just looking for someone to give him a child. She loved him very much and ignored the red flags. She was an international model and also from another culture and may not have fully understood some of his strange behaviors.

This particular mediation case started out with a lot of anger on the husband’s part. After a few very difficult conversations, I was successfully able to guide them on productively communicating and addressing their legal issues and creating a mutually agreeable custody and parenting plan.

If you are the mom of a new infant and find yourself considering divorce, there are ways to move through this process with as little stress as possible.

A well thought-out, comprehensive plan, along with the help of professionals, and lots of love for your newborn will see you through. I promise!

In developing your plan, there are some crucial points to consider:

  1. If you are separating, live in close proximity to each other so you can both spend quality time with your newborn.
  2. Try to be civil to each other in the presence of your newborn (babies pick up on emotional turmoil).
  3. Come together for the sake of the baby—discussing names, planning the baby’s room, and surround yourselves with supportive friends and family.
  4. Start discussing terms about child support and visitation sooner rather than later.

If you are divorcing while caring for an infant, I can help you through the process. I have helped many couples over the last 35+ years. Your new mom moments can still be joyful even through a divorce. Surround yourself with the right people to help get you through. If I can help, call me! You don’t have to do this alone!

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are still available virtually.

Call me to explore during a free, informative and discreet consultation what is possible!

I look forward to speaking with you.

Warm wishes,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551

If you are a new mom considering divorce, you need a comprehensive, compassionate support system to see you through.

We are here to help! Don’t hesitate to reach out today!