The holidays can be magical for children, but for divorcing parents, they can also be one of the most stressful times of the year. As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I see this every season: parents struggling to juggle emotions, logistics, and conflict while trying to give their children a joyful holiday experience.
The good news?
With the right plan, and often with the help of skilled mediator, divorcing parents can create a cooperative, peaceful holiday schedule that supports stability, minimizes conflict, and protects the emotional well-being of the children.
Below, I have created a comprehensive guide to help you navigate holiday co-parenting with confidence, compassion, and clarity.
Why a Holiday Parenting Plan Matters During Divorce
Holidays amplify emotions. Old traditions, extended family interactions, travel, and financial stress can easily trigger conflict between divorcing spouses.
A detailed, structured holiday parenting plan reduces uncertainty and helps both parents (and children!) know what to expect.
A strong holiday parenting plan helps:
- Prevent last-minute arguments
- Reduce stress and confusion for children
- Create predictability and routines
- Protect children from being caught in the middle
- Allow both parents time for meaningful holiday moments
- Avoid expensive and time-consuming litigation
Key Components of a Peaceful Holiday Schedule
1. Decide How Holidays Will Be Shared or Alternated
Divorcing parents typically choose one of the following structures:
Alternating holidays every year
One parent gets Thanksgiving this year; the other gets it next year.
Splitting the holiday itself
Morning with one parent, evening with the other.
Repeating the same schedule yearly
Example: one parent always has Christmas Eve; the other always has Christmas Day.
Duplicating celebrations
Many children enjoy two celebrations. One with each parent.
The best choice depends on your traditions, the children’s ages, and your ability to communicate peacefully.
2. Plan Holiday Breaks and School Vacations
Holiday breaks often include:
- Christmas break
- Hanukkah
- New Year’s
- Thanksgiving
- Winter recess
- Religious holidays
- Long weekends nearby
3. Create Clear Travel and Out-of-State Guidelines
If a parent wants to travel for the holidays:
- Will they need written consent?
- Will you share travel itineraries?
- Who pays for airfare or travel?
- How far can a parent travel without permission?
These details must be outlined to avoid misunderstandings.
4. Establish Gift-Giving Boundaries
Gift disagreements are incredibly common during divorce.
Consider setting expectations for:
- Spending limits
- Whether gifts are duplicated
- Whether gifts travel between homes
- Whether major gifts (phones, laptops) require joint approval
When families avoid competition, children avoid confusion, guilt, or pressure.
5. Protect the Children From Emotional Fallout
This is where my psychological / medical training becomes invaluable.
Children need:
- Reassurance (“You’ll have two wonderful holidays this year.”)
- Stability
- Neutral, non-hostile communication
- Consistency between homes
What children must not experience:
- Guilt
- Interrogation
- Pressure to choose
- Exposure to parental arguments
A peaceful holiday schedule is truly one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.
Here Are My Tips For A Truly Peaceful Holiday Co-Parenting Experience
- Start planning early. Don’t wait to negotiate the schedule.
- Focus on flexibility. Avoid rigid demands that increase stress.
- Remember: the children’s needs come first.
- Avoid comparing homes or competing.
- Keep traditions alive, but stay open to new ones.
- Model kindness and emotional maturity. Your children are watching.
If you are separating, divorcing, or co-parenting and the holidays are causing tension, I can help.
With decades of legal and medical training, I provide compassionate, strategic, child-centered guidance to families across New York.
My psychologically-based processblends legal strategy with emotional insight, helping even high-conflict parents (including those dealing with narcissistic or difficult spouses) find structure and peace.
If your spouse is combative, uncooperative, or unpredictable during the holidays, I can help you create clear boundaries and help avoid crisis moments.
Call me now to schedule a free consultation 212.734.1551.
I look forward to helping you and your family through the holidays!
Warm holiday wishes,
Lois
Let’s create a peaceful holiday plan that protects your children and reduces conflict.