No one enters a marriage thinking about the exit strategy. But sometimes, the bravest and healthiest decision is walking away. Divorce isn't a failure it’s a conscious choice to stop tolerating what's no longer working and to reclaim your life.
As a medically trained divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years, I have worked with many spouses who have gotten divorced for a variety of reasons.
I’ve created a list of my 10 clear, compelling reasons why divorce might actually be the most liberating move you’ll ever make.
1. Chronic Emotional Neglect
If you're consistently feeling lonely in your marriage, that’s not love, it's abandonment. Being ignored, dismissed, or treated like a roommate is not how you thrive. Emotional starvation leads to resentment, anxiety, and often depression. Remember, your emotional needs matter.
2. Abuse in Any Form
Physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse is a dealbreaker. Period. No one deserves to live in fear, be manipulated, or be made to feel small. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, it’s not love, it’s control.
3. Infidelity Without Accountability
People make mistakes, but repeated affairs with no real remorse or effort to change signal deep disrespect. If trust is permanently shattered and there’s no path forward, it’s okay to walk away.
4. You're Living Separate Lives
If you and your spouse are more like business partners or co-parents than romantic partners and there's no effort to reconnect you might already be emotionally divorced. Staying “for the kids” or out of habit is not a reason to stay unhappy.
5. Contempt and Criticism Rule the Relationship
I have found contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce. Constant criticism, sarcasm, and eye-rolling erode self-worth. If mutual respect is gone, what’s left to build on?
6. Addiction Without Recovery
Addiction is an illness, but if your partner refuses help and their behavior creates chaos, danger, or instability in your life, you’re allowed to leave. Protecting yourself and your children is never selfish.
7. You're the Only One Trying
Marriage takes two. If you're always initiating communication, therapy, affection, or planning time together and they’re checked out, it can become exhausting. You deserve a partnership, not a project.
8. You’ve Outgrown Each Other
People evolve. If your values, dreams, or emotional maturity have shifted and you're no longer aligned it’s okay to admit that love isn’t enough. Growth should be supported, not stifled.
9. You're Not Yourself Anymore
If you look in the mirror and barely recognize who you've become whether you’ve lost your voice, your passions, your joy it may be time to reassess. The right relationship nurtures your essence, not diminishes it.
10. You Stay Out of Fear, Not Love
Fear of financial ruin, judgment, loneliness, or “starting over” is real but it’s not a reason to stay miserable. Staying in a marriage out of fear guarantees more of the same. Leaving with courage opens the door to peace.
I tell spouses during my free consultations, “Divorce isn’t the enemy, staying stuck is.” If you're reading this with a pit in your stomach, listen to that voice. It’s your inner compass pointing you toward freedom, clarity, and healing.
If you are ready to get started and take the first step towards your divorce, call me.
For over 35 years as a divorce attorney and mediator, I have been successfully helping divorcing spouses to find the best path to divorce. Whether it’s mediation or litigation, I will help you find your freedom!
Call to schedule your free consultation right now. 212.734.1551.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warm regards,
Lois