Divorce is hard but parenting after divorce doesn’t have to be a battlefield. A strong parenting plan can reduce conflict, create stability for your kids, and give both parents the clarity they need to move forward.
As a divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years, I can assure you if you're facing divorce or separation, creating a parenting plan that actually works is one of the most important decisions you’ll make. And for many families, mediation is the key to building that plan with less stress and more cooperation, saving you and your family money in the process!
Let’s take a look at what makes a parenting plan successful, and how mediation can help you.
So, What Is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how separated or divorced parents will raise their children. It can be court-ordered or mutually agreed upon through mediation or negotiation.
A good parenting plan covers:
- Where the children will live
- A visitation or time-sharing schedule
- How decisions will be made (education, health, religion, etc.)
- Holidays, vacations, birthdays
- Communication expectations
- Transportation arrangements
- How future conflicts will be resolved
I suggest you think of it as your parenting blueprint designed to keep everyone on the same page and minimize conflict down the road.
Elements of a Successful Parenting Plan:
1. Clear, Detailed Schedules
Be specific. Vague language like “reasonable visitation” leads to misunderstandings. Instead, list days, times, exchange locations, and who is responsible for transportation.
2. Flexibility with Structure
Life happens. Kids get sick, traffic delays happen, holidays change. While the plan should be consistent, it should also allow room for mutual agreement on adjustments.
3. A Communication Plan
Decide how you’ll communicate:
- Text?
- Email?
- Scheduled check-ins about school updates?
- Emergency protocol?
4. A Conflict Resolution Method
Agree in advance on how to handle disagreements. Mediation? Parenting coordinator? Neutral third-party? This helps prevent issues from escalating into court battles.
5. Focus on the Child’s Best Interests
Your child’s well-being, not adult convenience, should be at the heart of every decision. That means:
- Age-appropriate routines
- Keeping siblings together
- Maintaining ties to school, friends, and extended family
- Supporting the child’s emotional needs
How Mediation Can Help
Mediation is a powerful process that is voluntary, and confidential where a neutral third party (the mediator), like myself, helps parents reach an agreement without going to court.
Here’s why my mediation process is especially effective for parenting plans:
1. It Encourages Cooperation
Unlike court, where one side “wins,” mediation fosters a team approach where both parties are heard and win. Parents often feel more empowered when they’ve had a hand in creating the plan themselves.
2. It Saves Time and Money
Litigation can drag on for months and cost thousands. Mediation is typically quicker and more cost-effective.
3. It Reduces Conflict and Protects Children
The court system can be combative. Mediation is private, peaceful, and less likely to emotionally damage the children. A low-conflict process sets a healthier tone for co-parenting.
4. It Creates Customized Solutions
Courts apply broad standards. In mediation, you can tailor the plan to:
- Your child’s personality and needs
- Unique schedules (shift work, long-distance)
- Religious or cultural values
- Special needs or medical care
5. It Builds Better Long-Term Communication
Mediation often teaches parents to negotiate and problem-solve, which builds skills you’ll use for years to come.
Even if you don’t agree on everything, as a divorce attorney/mediator, I can help you find workable compromises and prevent years of future arguments.
Ready to work with me on your parenting plan?
I am familiar with what works and I will help you and your spouse communicate effectively and civilly in the best interest of your child.
Call me now to schedule your free consultation!
Call 212.734.1551and lets start working on your parenting agreement today!
Remember, as divorcing couples you don’t have to be best friends to raise healthy, happy kids. But you do need a solid, respectful parenting plan and mediation is one of the best ways to build it.
I find even in tough or high-conflict situations, I can help couples set boundaries, reduce drama, and prioritize their children’s emotional health.
I can help you do this too…
Warm regards,
Lois