Every marriage faces challenges, but some issues run deeper than everyday disagreements. As a seasoned, medically trained divorce attorney and mediator in New York, I’ve seen countless relationships unravel. Often, the warning signs were visible long before a spouse took action.
If you’re sensing something isn’t right in your marriage, paying attention to the red flags could save you years of pain, or help you make a clear, empowered decision about whether to stay or move on.
In this post, I’ll walk you through eight major red flags that your marriage may not last, and what you can do about them and whether that means seeking mediation or litigation.
1. You’ve Stopped Communicating or You’re Constantly Misunderstood
When communication shuts down, connection fades. If you’re walking on eggshells, avoiding conversations, or every talk turns into an argument, this is a major warning sign.
What to do: Try couple’s therapy or marriage coaching early. If you can’t reestablish healthy communication, divorce mediation can offer a structured, respectful way to part while preserving dignity and privacy.
2. Emotional or Physical Intimacy Has Disappeared
A long-term lack of affection, sex, or emotional closeness often signals deeper issues. Many couples ignore this until resentment builds beyond repair.
What to do: Address intimacy issues honestly. When a partner refuses to engage, divorce mediation helps both spouses express needs safely and reach fair agreements without hostility.
3. You’re Living Separate Lives
If your schedules, social circles, or even living spaces no longer overlap, your marriage may be running on autopilot. Many high-functioning couples stay “together” in name only.
What to do: Ask whether you both still share goals. If the answer is no, a mediated divorce can be far less painful than a courtroom battle, especially for couples with shared assets or children.
4. There’s Constant Criticism or Contempt
When conversations are filled with sarcasm, blame, or disdain, it erodes respect which is the foundation of a lasting marriage. This behavior often predicts divorce.
What to do: Seek professional help early. If the contempt continues, litigation may be necessary if one spouse is uncooperative, manipulative, or hiding assets. I often help clients determine which approach, mediation vs litigation, fits their situation best.
5. Financial Secrets or Control
Money is a leading cause of divorce. When one spouse hides spending, restricts access to funds, or refuses transparency, it’s more than financial trouble, it’s emotional betrayal.
What to do: Gather financial documents and consult an experienced divorce lawyer/mediator, like myself. Mediation can work if both parties are honest; otherwise, litigation may be necessary to uncover hidden assets and ensure fairness.
6. One Partner Refuses to Grow or Compromise
Healthy relationships evolve. If one spouse is unwilling to change, communicate, or meet halfway, it creates imbalance and resentment.
What to do: Before giving up, consider relationship coaching. If that fails, divorce mediation provides a neutral space to craft agreements on parenting, property, and support without destructive courtroom battles.
7. Infidelity or Betrayal of Trust
Affairs, physical or emotional, are devastating. While some couples recover, repeated or unapologetic betrayals signal deep dysfunction.
What to do: Focus on healing and boundaries. If reconciliation isn’t possible, mediation offers privacy and control. However, in high-conflict or deceitful cases, litigation ensures legal protection and equitable outcomes.
8. You Feel Relieved When They’re Not Around
If peace only exists in your partner’s absence, your emotional needs are likely unmet. Chronic unhappiness, anxiety, or avoidance are powerful indicators it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
What to do: Speak with a divorce mediator or attorney to explore your options. Divorce doesn’t have to be destructive, mediation can create space for clarity, closure, and forward movement.
When to Choose Mediation vs. Litigation
Both paths have their place:
- Mediation: Ideal for couples who want a faster, more private, and less expensive divorce. It allows control over decisions and promotes cooperation — especially beneficial when children or complex finances are involved.
- Litigation: Necessary when one spouse refuses transparency, is abusive, or refuses to compromise. In such cases, a strong courtroom strategy is vital to protect your rights and assets.
As a medically trained New York divorce attorney and mediator, I help clients determine which approach serves them best; legally, emotionally, and financially.
If several of these red flags sound familiar, you’re not alone and you’re not doomed. Recognizing them is the first step toward making an informed decision about your future.
Whether through mediation or litigation, there are respectful, strategic ways to move forward. Divorce doesn’t have to destroy your life. Divorce can be the beginning of something healthier and more peaceful.
As a seasoned Divorce Attorney and Mediator in New York City, with a background in both law and psychology, I can help you navigate divorce with compassion and clarity. My practice focuses on divorce mediation, litigation and complex family law matters.
For a free and confidential consultation, call (212) 734-1551 right now.
I look forward to working with you.
Warm regards,
Lois