Divorce is emotionally charged and messy! But divorcing someone with a character disorder, such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial traits, or chronic manipulative behavior can feel overwhelming, confusing, and emotionally draining.
As a medically-trained divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, I approach these cases with a unique blend of legal strategy, psychological understanding, and structured conflict management. If you are considering divorce from a spouse who displays toxic, manipulative, or abusive behavioral patterns, you will need strength and special guidance!
As part of my legal practice, I have developed a medically/psychologically centered divorce process that uniquely addresses mental health issues that are affecting marriages today in a compassionate and comprehensive way!
So let’s begin this journey together!
Understanding Character Disorders in Divorce
Character disorders affect the way a person thinks, behaves, and interacts in relationships. Spouses with these traits often show:
- Narcissism, entitlement, or need for control
- Blaming, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation
- Inability to compromise
- Sudden rage or stonewalling
- Chronic lying or distortion of reality
- Financial control or secrecy
- Parenting struggles and high-conflict co-parenting behaviors
These patterns often intensify during separation or divorce. Without the right legal approach, the process can quickly escalate into a costly and traumatic battle.
Why My Medical Background Matters
As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator my background allows me to:
- Recognize personality disorders quickly
- Understand emotional triggers and behavioral patterns
- Strategically anticipate manipulative tactics
- Help clients stay emotionally regulated
- Address conflict without escalating it
- Guide couples toward healthier communication during mediation
- Know when mediation is safe — and when litigation is necessary
Most divorce attorneys do not have this triple skill set. This blend of psychology, law and mediation can make the difference between a chaotic divorce and a controlled, manageable process.
How I Help Clients Divorcing Someone With a Character Disorder
1. I Begin With a Psychological and Legal Assessment
During your free consultation, I explore the relationship dynamics, communication patterns, emotional abuse indicators, and risk factors.
This helps me determine:
- Whether mediation is realistic
- Whether litigation is safer
- What protections you may need
- How your spouse is likely to behave during the divorce
- What immediate steps will protect you financially and emotionally
2. I Provide a Safe, Structured Divorce Plan
If your spouse is narcissistic, manipulative, or emotionally dysregulated, structure is everything.
I help design a plan that minimizes:
- Conflict
- Hostile communication
- Financial sabotage
- Harassment or intimidation
- Unpredictability
My psychologically-informed method ensures you stay one step ahead.
3. I Use Strategic Mediation When Appropriate
Contrary to popular belief, mediation can work even when one spouse has a character disorder.
In my mediation session, I:
- Maintain control of the conversation
- Redirect manipulative or intimidating behaviors
- Keep discussions fact-based
- Use behavioral techniques to reduce conflict
- Ensure both parties are heard equally
- Prevent bullying, gaslighting, or emotional ambush
My medical background allows me to neutralize toxic behaviors professionally and calmly.
However, I will never recommend mediation if I believe it puts you at risk.
4. I Know When Litigation Is Necessary
Some spouses simply will not cooperate, compromise, or participate in good-faith negotiation.
In these cases, litigation can protect:
- Your safety
- Your assets
- Your rights as a parent
- Your emotional well-being
If litigation is needed, I, along with my litigation partners and team of experts fight strategically and firmly.
5. I Help You Stay Emotionally Grounded
Divorcing a partner with a character disorder can be emotionally exhausting.
I support clients by:
- Helping them understand manipulative behaviors
- Coaching them on communication strategies
- Teaching them how to avoid emotional traps
- Providing a clear roadmap so they don’t feel lost
- Surrounding them with the right mental health resources and professionals that are part of my team.
My clients often say they feel calmer, clearer, and more confident. In some cases for the first time in years.
Mediation or Litigation? How to Decide
Every high-conflict or personality-disordered divorce requires its own strategy.
Mediation Is Often Possible When:
- The spouse agrees to participate
- You want privacy and lower cost
- There are no serious safety concerns
- You want a faster, less emotional process
- A skilled mediator can manage the personality issues
With my medical training, I often succeed with couples other mediators cannot handle.
Litigation May Be Necessary When:
- There is emotional, verbal, or financial abuse
- Your spouse is highly manipulative
- They refuse to negotiate or compromise
- They hide income or assets
- Children are being used as leverage
- Mediation would be unsafe or ineffective
Part of my job is helping you determine which path protects you best.
What You Should Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Has a Character Disorder
Document behaviors and financial information
Avoid emotionally charged conversations
Stop trying to “fix” or diagnose your spouse
Protect your finances before discussing divorce
Do not threaten divorce. Prepare quietly
Seek a professional who understands psychological patterns
The right guidance early on can dramatically change your divorce outcome.
I bring a rare combination of skills to your divorce:
- Medical and psychological insight
- Decades of divorce legal experience
- Powerful negotiation skills
- Master-level mediation techniques
- Calm, structured conflict management
- Deep understanding of narcissism, borderline traits, and manipulative personalities
If you believe your spouse has a narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, or other character disorder or you simply feel intimidated, call me.
Schedule your free and confidential consultation today. Call 212.734.1551.
Understanding your options is the first step toward protecting yourself.
I look forward to speaking with you!
Warm regards,
Lois
Remember, your safety, stability, and future matter.