As a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I often hear the same question over and over: “What happens if my spouse cheated? Will it change my divorce?”
The truth is, infidelity brings emotional devastation but its impact on your divorce depends on where you live, your finances, and your goals. If you’re facing the painful decision of divorcing a cheating spouse, here are the most common questions I help clients answer.
Does Cheating Matter in Divorce?
In many states, including New York, divorce can be filed on a “no-fault” basis. That means you don’t have to prove adultery to get divorced. However, cheating may come into play in other ways, especially if it impacts money, custody, or the emotional climate of your case.
Can I Get More Money if My Spouse Cheated?
Cheating itself doesn’t automatically mean more alimony. But if your spouse used marital funds to support their affair, lavish vacations, hotel bills, or gifts, I can often argue for what’s called “wasteful dissipation of assets.” That means the court may compensate you for the money your spouse spent on someone else.
How Do I Prove My Spouse Cheated?
Clients often ask if they need hard proof of infidelity. The answer: usually no. While text messages, emails, and social media posts can be powerful, most cases don’t require you to prove the affair happened. Instead, the focus is on financial and emotional impact. As a divorce attorney/mediator, I help clients shift their energy toward solutions, not evidence battles.
Can Cheating Affect Child Custody?
Courts generally focus on the best interests of the child. A spouse’s affair won’t automatically affect custody, unless it impacts parenting, for example, exposing the children to unhealthy situations or prioritizing the affair over parenting duties. I frequently counsel clients on protecting children while managing the introduction of new partners.
Is Dating Before Divorce Finalized Considered Cheating?
It depends. Legally, once you’ve filed, courts rarely punish dating. But strategically, moving on too quickly can complicate negotiations. In mediation, I often recommend patience to avoid unnecessary conflict.
How Do I Protect My Finances if My Spouse Cheated?
If your spouse spent marital money on their affair, it’s essential to document it. Credit card bills, bank statements, and travel receipts can all reveal hidden spending patterns. I guide clients through uncovering these financial trails and ensuring fairness in property division.
Should I Choose Mediation or Litigation if Cheating is Involved?
Many people assume cheating means an automatic courtroom battle. That’s not always true. In fact, mediation can be extremely effective, especially when handled by a mediator with both legal and psychological expertise. I help clients address betrayal while also creating fair agreements. Sometimes litigation may be necessary if your spouse is manipulative, abusive, or hiding assets.
What if My Spouse is a Serial Cheater or Narcissist?
When infidelity is part of a pattern, particularly with narcissistic behavior, divorce can be especially challenging. Narcissists often manipulate, gaslight, and resist compromise. My psychologically based mediation method is uniquely designed to handle these personalities, helping clients protect themselves emotionally and legally.
Can I Use a Cheating Clause in a Prenup or Postnup?
Yes, many couples now include infidelity clauses in their agreements. These can penalize a cheating spouse financially if they break their vows. Enforceability varies by state, but they can be powerful tools for accountability.
How Do I Heal After Divorcing a Cheater?
The legal process is just one part of your journey. Healing from betrayal takes time. Therapy, support groups, and self-care are essential steps toward reclaiming your confidence and joy. As I tell my clients: you are not defined by your spouse’s choices.
Divorcing a cheating spouse is painful, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether through mediation or litigation, there are strategies to protect your finances, your children, and your future.
If you’re struggling with questions about cheating and divorce, call me for a free consultation! 212.734.1551.
With over 35 years of experience as a divorce attorney, mediator, and medical professional, I will bring both legal skill and psychological insight to help you navigate the complex aftermath of cheating.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warm regards,
Lois