If you are married to a woman who constantly criticizes, manipulates, or makes everything about her, you may be wondering if you are living with a narcissist. As a medically trained NY divorce attorney, mediator, and narcissism expert, I have spent over 35 years helping spouses navigate the painful reality of divorcing a narcissist.
Narcissistic personality traits can make divorce especially high-conflict, emotionally draining, and costly if not handled strategically. The good news is with the right legal guidance and approach, you can protect yourself and your future.
In this post, I will share the telltale signs your wife may be a narcissist and explain how mediation or litigation can be used to successfully divorce a narcissist.
Signs Your Wife May Be a Narcissist
Not every difficult or self-centered partner is a narcissist. But if the following signs feel familiar, you may be facing narcissistic behavior:
- Excessive need for admiration: She constantly demands praise and attention, and may become angry if you don’t provide it.
- Lack of empathy: She dismisses your feelings and shows little concern for your needs or struggles.
- Gaslighting: She twists facts, denies things she said or did, and makes you question your own reality.
- Control and manipulation: She uses guilt, fear, or threats to maintain power in the relationship.
- Sense of entitlement: She expects special treatment and believes rules don’t apply to her.
- Blame-shifting: She rarely takes responsibility and often blames you or others for her mistakes.
Living with a narcissistic spouse can feel like walking on eggshells. Many of my clients describe feeling invisible, drained, or emotionally abused by the time they reach me for help.
Why Divorcing a Narcissist Is Different
A divorce involving a narcissist is rarely straightforward. Narcissists thrive on conflict and often:
- Drag out proceedings to maintain control.
- Refuse reasonable settlement offers.
- Attempt to manipulate children or use them as leverage.
- Hide assets or engage in financial deception.
- Launch smear campaigns to damage your reputation.
That’s why choosing the right divorce strategy is crucial.
Mediation vs. Litigation: Which Path Works Best?
Mediation
In some cases, mediation can work when divorcing a narcissist especially if the narcissistic spouse wants to maintain an appearance of control or avoid public court battles.
As a medically/psychologically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I use my expertise to manage high-conflict personalities and keep negotiations productive. By setting clear boundaries and using proven strategies, I can help spouses reach fair agreements on finances, custody, and property division without months or years in court.
Mediation also:
- Saves significant time and money.
- Provides privacy (no public courtroom).
- Allows you to stay in control of the outcome.
However, mediation only works if the narcissistic spouse is willing to participate, if they are not, litigation may be your only path.
Litigation
When mediation is not possible, and sometimes it isn’t, litigation is necessary to protect your rights. Narcissists often push cases into court because they thrive on drama and control.
I, along with my litigation team, and various professionals, know how to:
- Uncover hidden assets.
- Present evidence of manipulation or abuse.
- Advocate strongly in custody disputes.
- Protect clients from intimidation tactics.
Whether through mediation or litigation, my role is to give you the legal and emotional tools to successfully free yourself from a narcissistic marriage.
Practical Steps If You’re Considering Divorce
- Document everything. Keep records of texts, emails, financial documents, and any abusive behavior.
- Protect your finances. Gather bank statements, tax returns, and account information before filing.
- Seek professional support. Therapy, coaching, and legal guidance are invaluable. We have an amazing team of professionals like financial strategists, psychological experts, divorce coaches and lots more to support you all the way.
- Don’t go it alone. Narcissists are skilled manipulators. Having a strong legal advocate is essential.
- Explore your options. A consultation will help determine whether mediation or litigation is best for your situation. We provide free consultations to introduce you to what is possible!
Divorcing a narcissistic woman is one of the most challenging journeys a spouse can face. But with the right legal strategy, you can regain control, protect your children, and secure your financial future.
As a medically trained divorce attorney, mediator, and narcissism expert, I have helped countless clients successfully divorce narcissists. Whether through psychologically centered mediation or strong litigation in court, I, along with my incredible team, can help you design a divorce process that minimizes conflict and maximizes your peace of mind.
If you believe your wife may be a narcissist and you’re considering divorce, don’t wait. The earlier you seek guidance, the more protected you will be.
Call me now to schedule your free, confidential consultation. Call 212.734.1551 today!
Warm regards,
Lois
If you are thinking of divorcing a narcissist, let NYC divorce attorney Lois Brenner answer call your questions!!