Do you lie awake at night and wonder? Do you have a feeling in the pit in your stomach most of the time? You know something is not quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it. Do you think your spouse is cheating? Are you afraid to ask? Do you think you need proof? I say, pay attention to those little voices. Your instinct could be right!
In my divorce/mediation practice of over 35 years, I have seen cheating spouses more than I’d like to admit. Inevitably, a cheating spouse wounds not only their spouse, but an entire family.
Don’t bury your head in the sand, if the signs are there, take notice. Don’t ignore your suspicions.
Do you feel…
- Rejected sexually;
- Your feelings are ignored;
- Your spouse is spending less time with you and the children;
- Your spouse is working more;
- Your spouse no longer does things with you as a couple
- Your spouse needs more privacy;
- Your spouse is spending a lot more time on the computer;
- Your spouse is always changing and hiding computer passwords;
- Your spouse is being financially irresponsible or frivolous;
- Your spouse is hiding credit card statements, cell phone, personal info.
If you find yourself experiencing some of these things, you are also coming up with excuses for this behavior. That’s being human. It’s hard to admit to oneself that your loved one may be dishonest with you. I find intuition is often one of the best indicators that something is wrong. Further investigation is probably necessary. Once you have reviewed all the behavior changes and collected some data, think about approaching your spouse or do some investigative work by hiring a professional. Be calm, strong and honest. Be prepared for any outcome. Remember, if they are cheating, also be prepared for lies!
For some, saving a marriage is possible. Although trust has been broken and betrayal is painful, some marriages can survive. From what I have seen when a marriage does survive it is because the couple has a strong foundation based in friendship and love. I applaud these couples for their strength to recover. For others, clearly the marriage is over. Now you have to start the painful journey of divorce. Or at least that is what most couples think based upon the traditional view of divorce. But divorce doesn’t always have to be down and dirty. Divorce can be dignified. I encourage couples to consider a divorce that is less painful, more rational, not anger driven and is supportive of the overall well being of the family.
If you are moving towards divorce due to infidelity, I can help you navigate the process with strong psychological support and fair, strategic legal planning to keep your life intact and to help get you and your family the best possible results. 212.734.1551.