Often when we think of spousal abuse we often hear the wife is being abused, but men get abused too! I have worked with a few men in the last few months who all found themselves in very emotionally abusive relationships with their wives. For a man, recognizing they are being abused is often difficult and emotionally distressing. In some cases, they don’t even realize they are being abused. For a man there can be shame and embarrassment attached to knowing they are being abused by their wife.
As a psychologically-trained medical professional and divorce attorney I am uniquely qualified to work with men in abusive relationships. First, I provide a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings, and give them a platform to be heard, respected and understood. In addition, for those that might not recognize they are in an abusive relationship I can help them identify that they are being abused and provide support on how to productively, and safely engage with their spouse. At the point they have come to see me, a man is already considering separation, possibly divorce, but often feel really conflicted.
For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to discuss the marital issues we strategize an invite so I can help them as a couple navigate a sane and informed discussion.
My psychologically-infused divorce method includes:
- Listening to both parties;
- Acknowledging what they both need and want;
- Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;
- Discouraging talking about the past;
- Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in the room” with both;
- Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions to thrive;
- Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal issues like: child custody, spousal support, visitation, asset allocation and property division, just to name a few;
- Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems whether it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs too deep and communication is impossible.
Some of you may be asking - “What does abuse look like?” Here are a few clues:
- Constantly putting you down;
- Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;
- Refusing to communicate;
- Using sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice;
- Using children or money for control;
- Withdrawal of affection;
- Guilt trips;
- Making everything your fault;
- Isolating you from friends and family;
- Extramarital affairs.
If you find yourself hurt and confused by the behaviors of your spouse and are thinking of separation or divorce call me. If we identify you are in an abusive relationship, I will help you successfully navigate what can be a turbulent path for the best possible results. 212.735.1551.
I’m here to help! :)
Lois