The coronavirus has changed our everyday lives beyond our understanding.
We are all trying to be strong, go with the flow, and find creative ways
to cope. Then there are those of us unhappily locked up with our spouse
or significant other in an already unhappy relationship!
Even couples in healthy relationships are having tough times. Couples already
having difficulties in their marriages are now living in a pressure cooker.
Angry, abusive behaviors are heating up, and this could go on for a long
time! Will you be able to continue to live this way?
As a psychologically-trained divorce attorney/mediator I am telling couples
to try not to react, think before they act, and take some time to give
careful, informed, thought to what lies ahead and how to manage moving
forward in this unpredictable climate.
Everyday life is challenging, and we are all dealing with some kind of
anxiety. But emotionally tortured couples are dealing with a lot more.
If you are struggling in your marriage here are some suggestions to get
you through this challenging time:
1.) Keep Some Distance - Give Each Other Space.
In a house it is a little easier to accomplish this than in an apartment.
Try to stay in different rooms whether relaxing or working. Develop your
own schedule, and focus on your interests, not on how your spouse is annoying
you. Come together for meals and playtime if you have children. Schedule
time for some on-line exercise classes like yoga or pilates. Set-up a
wine and cheese night with girlfriends on Zoom. Arrange a video conference
night with friends to discuss investment opportunities right now. Keep
your distance so as to not argue, but make is positive, productive and
enjoyable for yourself!
2.) Schedule Time to Spend Time Together With the Children.
Your children need extra-special attention right now. You also want to
maintain a happy, healthy united front especially during what is a very
scary time for them. Now with Passover and Easter upon us, you may want
to create a united, festive, united front. Maybe play some games, do some
puzzles, or work on creating some cards for the important people helping
during this crisis, like nurses, doctors, teachers, police officers and
grocery store workers. Whatever activity you come up with, both parents
should try to participate, give your child a strong sense of family, comfort
and safety. They don’t need to know anything about your unhappiness
or that anything is wrong between you right now. They need an extra infusion
of love from you both.
3.) Don’t Dredge Up The Painful Past.
If you do engage in conversation, don’t talk about the past. Try
to discuss the future, if at all possible. I constantly remind my mediation
clients that talking about their miserable past is not a solution. It’s
a waste of valuable time. The past cannot be changed, but the future can.
Talk about divorce if that is what you are both thinking about, but constructively.
Consider other options available, like mediation, since going to court
right now is not an option since they are closed. Using mediation you
can also save money, time and pain. Mediation can work even if you are
angry. I can help you both defuse that anger. Spend some of your time
at home time learning about mediation. If you visit my website
divorcelawyerny.com you can read about mediation and how it works. Mediation is fast becoming
a popular option for divorce right now.
4.) Don’t Obsess about What is Wrong in the Marriage or think you
can change it!
Unless you are thinking of marriage counseling, which I highly support,
discussing the issues in the marriage without professional assistance
doesn’t result in a positive solution. Usually, whatever is wrong,
can’t truly be fixed. Whether it’s an addiction, mental illness,
like bipolarity or narcissism, or another personality disorder, marriages
that involve these types of issues have often been too badly damaged to
be saved. But you can find a path to a dignified, less painful divorce
with the right intervention. A healthy intervention like my unique psychologically-infused
mediation which specifically addresses personality disorders, infidelity,
addictions, hiding assets, controlling behavior, and an array of problems
affecting marriages today.
5.) Take Some Time to look into Divorce.
It is important to do your research. If divorce is ahead of you, acquire
knowledge, read books, google divorce options, gather your financial statements,
tax returns, start thinking about your budget. Start detailing how much
it costs to maintain your lifestyle, once divorced what will it cost you
to maintain your lifestyle, consider where can you cut costs, think about
where you want to live. With spending so much time at home, you have time
to carefully plan your best path out of your marriage. Use your time at
home to get your life in order. Don’t let your happiness take a
back seat to the coronavirus. Of course, it is important to keep yourself
and your family safe, isolated, and healthy. But if you are in pain from
an already damaged marriage find a way to ease that pain too! You deserve
a happy plan to move forward.
If you would like to talk about divorce, what is needed to prepare, what
you are entitled to, and how to go about it, call me.With over 35 years
of legal experience and my medical training, I can uniquely guide you
towards a happier and healthier life using my unique mediation process
that does not require going to court, and can provide a freeing outcome!
During this medical crisis our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS areconducted virtually by telephone or TeleDivorce by Skype or FaceTime
to reduce risk and maintain safety for everyone!
We still have some virtual appointments available!
Call now to book your free consultation.
I look forward to working with you!
Stay Healthy & Safe!