Being quarantined together is difficult even for those of us in good relationships.
For couples going through divorce, or about to go through divorce and
in a dysfunctional relationship, it’s a nightmare!
Right now, due to the Corona virus pandemic we have lots of people feeling
stressed out, and emotionally traumatized.
Financial pressures, psychological abuse, addictions, and domestic violence
are plaguing many couples trapped together at home, and I am hearing from
many of them.
I try to soothe concerns but I also encourage miserable spouses to move
forward. As a psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator, I
know for these unhappy couples, longer confinement will result in more
turmoil, and for some even danger.
None of us knows how long this quarantine will last. For many of my current
clients moving forward has helped to somewhat soothe the anger and frustration.
Having a third party as part of the mix right now can be a “voice
of reason” to relieve some of the pressure in the marriage. My role
in the divorce mediation process I have developed is to create productive
conversation, divert the anger, and create a safe space for healthy conversation
and decision-making.
I’ve had calls recently asking me how to file an Order of Protection.
For some this is an absolute necessity, and an emergency, for others,
inviting the couple to start addressing their issues has been enough to
get a handle on the conflict and create a path of resolution.
I received a call from a spouse who had been speaking with her husband
about divorce before the pandemic. They had been wrestling in a psychologically-
abusive relationship for about 6 years. She had tried and tried to get
them help, but nothing changed. She finally told her husband she wanted
out. There were no children and they are both education professionals.
Once the pandemic began he started to spin out of control. He started drinking,
became more psychologically abusive, and started to threaten her by email.
It got scary!
She called to ask me about an Order of Protection.
After hearing a lot of details I suggested she introduce the idea of mediation
and that perhaps the drinking was contributing to the escalation of everything.
I was hoping a more peaceful approach to the problem would be more effective,
and it was!
We are currently working together toward their divorce. He has stopped
drinking, which was something new for him. He admitted it just started
as a way of dealing with some of their current financial stresses. There
is still some psychological abuse going on, but we have gotten a handle
on how to manage it, move through it, and now they are making important
decisions together about ending their marriage.
Not everyone thinking of an Order of Protection can resolve their issues
with mediation. Sometimes an Order of Protection is absolutely necessary
for safety, and is encouraged, particularly in physically threatening
situations. But when possible, I suggest mediation.
Mediation can be peaceful, powerful and productive!
With the courts closed right now, mediation has taken center stage and
is rising up to meet the needs of divorcing couples all across the country.
On and off social media, people are wondering if we’ll emerge from
quarantine with a divorce boom.
I say, “we will”. It’s happening already.
As I see it, when the courts open, there will be thousands of cases backlogged,
and mediation will be a welcome vehicle for couples trapped in unhappy
marriages.
But there is no reason to wait, especially if you are unhappy, feeling
trapped or scared. Mediation can work for you right now!
If you are feeling miserable and controlled in your marriage call me.
We can discuss all the details and I will direct you towards the best,
safest path for you!
During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic all our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS areconveniently conducted virtually by telephone or TeleDivorce by Zoom or Skype to reduce
risk and maintain safety for everyone!
Call now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551
I hope to hear from you.
Continue to Stay Home, Stay Healthy & Stay Safe!
Warm regards,
Lois