Money for most of us is an emotionally charged topic. That’s why
few of us and few couples like to talk about it. When couples come to
see me and are considering a divorce, money can actually be, yes, even
more than sex, what is driving the couple apart.
Money can represent many things. Money is love, happiness, security, control,
freedom and lots more. When couples fight over money usually deeper issues
emerge. I find that these issues have long been neglected and money has
become the vehicle for battle.
For most of us, there’s just never enough money. We don’t realize
when we enter into a romantic relationship, there is often a third party.
A silent partner. It’s money!
Before marriage couples discuss where they are going to live, children,
careers, and what side of the bed to sleep on, but never money!!
Money is still a taboo topic. Some people have anxiety, guilt and even
shame about the way they handle money. Do you really want to tell a potential
spouse you’re an over spender? Not exactly the topic of discussion
you want to have before you are walking down the aisle. Most people have
complex relationships with their money. We usually learn about money from
our families as we grow up and the lessons learned can be very different.
When couples enter a marriage, and have different money styles, they can
actually battle and suffer together for years. As the marriage erodes
and things begin to explode, that’s when they come to see me.
Usually by that time it is already too late. Divorce is on the horizon
and inevitably money will be the nucleus of the divorce conversation.
The United States is a nation of overspenders. We live in a market economy
and we are led to believe that we are good citizens when we agree to spend
our money, lots of it. So much so that we as a country and as individuals
are in massive debt. Because many of us feel alienated and disconnected,
especially with the topsy-turvy world we have all been living in, we tend
to overspend to fill an emptiness within ourselves. If we are not overspending,
than we are usually worrying about money or hoarding it. For those who
have recently lost their jobs due to the coronavirus pandemic, money is
scarce and some families are living in fear and couple’s are fighting
due to frustration and lack of money. Money is a complex focal point in
many of our thoughts, especially right now.
Men and women also have different money styles. What sets women apart from
men is the different situations women will find themselves in during their
lifetime. Women live longer than men. They usually have been in and out
of the work force. When women marry they often become part of a financial
dependency that can work against them if they are not prepared, although
that has been changing.
Women are primarily the ones who raise the children, and often become the
single parent raising the children. Women usually care for aging family
members. A woman’s healthy relationship with money is vital in handling
all the responsibilities and difficulties she may face.
So what’s your money style? If you haven’t thought about it,
maybe it’s time! Get in touch with your money style before you make
important decisions in your life and in your divorce.
If I can help you and your spouse get in touch with how to settle money
issues if you are facing a divorce call me I will be happy to share amicable
ideas on how to settle your money issues. Using mediation as your divorce
method will also save you money. Why spend your family’s money on
attorneys and court battles?
As a highly experienced, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator
with over 35 years of experience, I can guide you on how to manage, and
protect your money during the divorce process.
During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic all our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
conveniently conducted virtually by telephone or TeleDivorce by Zoom or Skype to reduce
risk and maintain safety for everyone!
We still have some appointments available for this week.
I look forward to helping you.
Stay Home, Stay Healthy & Stay Safe!
Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner now to book your Free 1 Hour