In my “divorce story” blog post on Wednesday, I briefly described
helping a couple with a parenting agreement. A few parents contacted me
and had lots of questions about creating a parenting agreement. I thought
I would address some of their questions in my blog post today.
Developing a parenting agreement alongside your spouse is an important
step towards helping your children adjust to having divorced parents.
Although the process is primarily to divide the child custody responsibilities,
it is also about showing your child that you love him/he, and will always
do what is in their best interest.
As a seasoned divorce attorney and mediator, I have some creative ideas
when it comes to designing a parenting agreement. I first encourage couples
to be empathetic and considerate and to always put their child first!
Here are some of my creative co-parenting suggestions:
Imagine Your Child’s Daily Life
Traveling back and forth between two homes is not easy. It also takes time
to adjust to not living with two parents. Consider what your child will
gain and miss. My suggestion is to minimize the disruptions and chaos
as much as possible.
Think about the Logistics
If you are sharing a significant amount of parenting time, it’s important
to live close by or at least to make the traveling time manageable.
Choose a Reliable Childcare Provider
Another helpful tool is utilizing a childcare provider you both trust.
If you have young children, having a babysitter they are already accustomed
to gives the children comfort and provides some reliable support to the
family. This also minimizes the amount of change you are introducing into
your child’s life.
Consider Your Child’s Schedule
Make plans with your children’s schedule in mind. If your children
stay after school for extracurricular activities keep that in mind when
you are creating your parenting plan. Don’t forget to include seasonal
activities as well.
You don’t want to create a parenting plan that requires your child
to drop a favorite activity.
Try to keep your child happy and content with as little change as possible.
Ask Your Children What They Think
Giving your children the opportunity to provide their input for the parenting
agreement can be beneficial for everyone. Younger children need parents
to make decisions for them. Older children feel heard when asked to be
part of the process and less traumatized when they are asked to be involved.
It makes things a little less scary.
Your Convenience Is Not the Goal
It’s natural to create a parenting agreement that is convenient for
you. But, it’s not all about you. The purpose of your parenting
agreement is to support your children by meeting their needs and supporting
their ongoing relationship with the other parent. Compromise is paramount.
Sometimes sacrifice on your part is necessary.
Don’t Keep Track of Winning and Losing
I know it’s tempting to keep track of your many sacrifices and comparing
your losses to your former partners’ wins. Always keep in mind this
plan is about what’s best for your children. The reality is you
are both going to make sacrifices.
This is all part of being a good parent.
Don't Use the Schedule as Revenge
A parenting agreement is not a tool for seeking revenge. No need to sabotage
your former partner’s personal life. Be reasonable and considerate,
and try not to play games. You are playing with your children’s
happiness. Focus on your children’s needs and forget about your
As a divorce attorney and mediator with over 35 years of experience, I
have an expertise in the creation of solid parenting agreements. If you
would like me to help with your parenting agreement, call me. I will give
you some inventive suggestions that will be structured to meet your needs
and that of your family.
During the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic all our
FREE CONSULTATIONS are
conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk and maintain safety.
I look forward to hearing your story and helping you find the best possible solution.
Stay healthy and safe!
New York divorce attorney Lois Brenner still has some appointments available
Please call to schedule your FREE consultation now.