As we approach the holidays, and work our way towards a “new normal”
during this uncertain time of COVID-19, many unhappy spouses are calling
me to take proactive steps towards divorce.
For couples who have never traveled this road before, it can be scary.
When it comes to divorce, the legal system by its very nature pits people
against each other with the promise of only one winner and with no room
As a skilled, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator, I
say, “If you were once in love, able to organize your lives and
build a life together, you should be able to discuss and organize your
lives to dissolve your marriage and to live apart.”
I often tell couples, with mediation everyone is a winner. Mediation offers
a less painful way to approach divorce. Mediation is a different way of
viewing divorce, and I like to recommend mediation to clients as the peaceful
path to divorce.
So whatis mediation?
Mediation is process of negotiating an agreement between divorcing spouses
on the important issues: children, finances and property. The divorce
mediator is there to keep you on track, make sure negotiations are productive
and to make suggestions when you hit a road block. The focus of mediation
is your controlling your own divorce. Not judges and not attorneys. Couples
have the opportunity to discuss their personal needs and priorities and
to arrive at a mutually acceptable agreement.
When couples meet with me virtually these days, they have a strong tendency
to talk about their grievances during the marriage – what happened
in the past. There is plenty of blame and name-calling to go around. What
I know as a divorce attorney and mediator for over 35 years, is that talking
about the past does not result in an agreement. In fact, it often prevents
Part of my role is to direct the couple to talk about what they want for
the future. This feels sort of strange to the couple who is used to arguing
about past behavior. In my process as mediator, I will summarize, emphasizing
useful information and ignoring irrelevant and emotional comments. Another
technique I use is “normalizing,” where I will reassure a
couple their problems are not unique, and that other people have struggled
with the same issues before and have successfully resolved them.
I advise my mediation couples that they can each consult a divorce lawyer
at any time. This knowledge can be reassuring to a timid spouse who feels
he or she will be bowled over by a demanding partner.
Another appealing aspect of the mediation process is time and cost. Most
divorce mediation cases can be resolved in weeks or months instead of
years, and can cost tens of thousands of dollars less than fighting your
case in court.
Mediation, the less adversarial approach, to divorce will keep more money
in your pocket, give you peace of mind and allow you keep your dignity
in the process.
When couples are considering divorce, I try to introduce the more peaceful
approach first. Even when couples are angry, I have found mediation to
be a process that can work. Not all divorces can be resolved using mediation
but the ones that can, should.
There is no easy path to divorce but divorce mediation is a less painful
road to travel and should be embraced as the peaceful alternative!
Working with me, your mediation process will be postitive, productive and peaceful!
Why don’t you give mediation a try?
I am offering Free 1 hour consultations and still have a few available
for this week. Why not call me to learn more…
During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic all our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
conducted virtually to reduce risk.
I look forward to sharing all the impressive benefits of mediation with you!
Stay healthy and stay safe!
Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to book your Free 1 Hour