As a divorce attorney and psychologically-trained mediator, I uniquely
guide spouses, especially those married to a spouse with mental health
issues, towards safe, compassionate, and dignified divorces.
Many spouses I work with complain that a controlling spouse, who only cares
about themselves, is destroying their marriage and their life!
At first a spouse doesn’t even know what the other spouse’s
unhealthy behavior is until they work with me, and after my observation
and assessment, I finally identify the controlling/lack of empathy behavior
as narcissism.
Naturally, we all have a little healthy narcissism. But at the other end
of the spectrum, narcissism is an unbalanced mind. An overwhelming, all
encompassing personality disorder that destroys relationships and families.
When a client asks me the characteristics of a narcissist, I share these traits:
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance
2. A lack of empathy
3. The use of charm to manipulate others
4. Holding grudges
5. Blaming everyone else if something goes wrong
6. Controlling others
7. A grandiose sense of self-importance
8. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success and power
9. Need for excessive admiration
10. Sense of entitlement
11. Envy of others or a belief that others envy them
Often, I only need to hear a few sentences before I realize my client may
be married to a narcissist. My medical training and experience helps me
identify this behavior and successfully guide an emotionally injured spouse
towards a divorce.
Many spouses hope the other will change. This is not unusual. But unfortunately,
change is usually not possible!
Often the victimized spouse still loves the narcissistic spouse even though
they have been worn down by criticism and other destructive behaviors.
The victimized spouse often wonders endlessly about how a once loving
relationship could turn into abuse and destruction.
That was the case with Jim, a chemical engineer married to a dermatologist
who loved being the center of attention and who obsessed about her looks.
She was extremely mentally abusive towards Jim, and he had become a shell
of the person he was when they married 14 years ago.
He broke down during our phone consultation and said he had finally found
the strength to call someone. He had read some of my blogs and thought
my psychological training might help.
As he continued to describe his life, his wife, and her outrageous behaviors,
it was clear to me she was a narcissist. He further explained that if
he or the children expressed not being well she would actually get mad
and angry as if it was an inconvenience.
He and the children could never do anything right. He said that everything
he stood for, she stood for the opposite. After hearing all the issues,
I told him he was married to a narcissist and that he needed to strongly
consider getting out of this unhealthy relationship.
He expressed he needed to save himself and his children and could not live
this way anymore. I encouraged him to leave this destructive marriage,
but I could also see he was conflicted. Later in the conversation, he
actually started defending some of her behaviors, which is not unusual
for someone who has been so emotionally abused.
Once he gained some strength and knowledge during our sessions, and he
saw his wife was not going to change, we began to move the divorce process forward.
My litigation partner and I are managing his case now and Jim is also gaining
some emotional strength working with an excellent psychologist who is
part of my team.
He and his children will eventually find some peace, but they do have a
difficult journey ahead of them. We are doing everything in our power
legally and emotionally to guide them successfully through this process.
If this story speaks to you, call me. I, along with my litigation partner
and team of specialists, have a unique combination of legal skills and
experience to help move you away safely from a narcissistic partner.
Ourfree one-hour consultations are conducted
discreetly and conveniently to reduce risk.
Call now to book your free consultation 212.734.1551.
I look forward to working with you!
Stay healthy and safe!
Warm regards,
Lois
Psychologically-trained New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner can help
you out of an unhealthy marriage to a narcissist.
Call now to schedule your FREE consultation. 212.734.1551.