As a psychologically trained divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years,
I have helped many women in abusive relationships, but I’ve also
helped abused men too!
Men abused by their wives are entitled to be believed, heard, and helped.
A man being abused by his wife deserves to get a divorce if that is what
needs to be done!
Abuse can come in many forms, both physical and psychological. Psychological
abuse can be equally damaging as physical, if not more.
Divorcing an abusive wife can be difficult because of the intense emotional
bond that existed when the marriage was new. Abuse wears at the fiber
of marriage, and men being abused often deal with shame and feel embarrassed
to talk about it.
I have seen abusive wives often use the children to manipulate the husband
and to maintain control in a relationship. Men often worry about losing
their children, their assets, property, and pensions, should a divorce occur.
When abused husbands contact me I provide a safe and supportive environment
for them to express their feelings and give them a platform to be heard,
respected, and understood. In addition, for those that might not recognize
they are in an abusive relationship, I can help them realize they are
being abused, and provide support and suggestions on how to productively
and safely engage with their spouse or not.
By the time a man consults with me he is already considering separation,
possibly divorce, but often feels really conflicted.
For men not totally sure they are being abused in their marriage, here
are some examples of what abuse looks like:
Your wife is:
- Constantly putting you down;
- Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;
- Refusing to communicate;
- Using sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice;
- Using children or money for control;
- Withholding affection;
- Always making you feel guilty;
- Making everything your fault;
- Isolating you from friends and family; and
- Having extramarital affairs.
I often advise husbands being abused by wives to create an exit strategy.
I suggest they get educated and discuss what documentation to gather.
I recommend they start making copies of everything, we discuss finances,
children, and possible approaches to a divorce. I explain mediation vs.
litigation in detail.
And I do encourage mediation since it’s less adversarial, not as
expensive as fighting in court, and the divorce van happen quickly.
For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to
discuss their marital issues, I can help them as a couple navigate a civil
and informed discussion.
My psychologically infused divorce mediation method includes:
- Listening to both parties;
- Acknowledging what they both need and want;
- Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;
- Discouraging talking about the past;
- Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in
the room” with both;
- Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions
- Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal
issues like: child custody, spousal support, visitation, asset allocation
and property division, just to name a few; and
- Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems, whether
it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage
in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs
too deep and communication is impossible.
If you find yourself hurt and confused, and abused by your wife and are
thinking of separation or divorce, don’t be embarrassed, call me.
I can help you!
I can help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and I will
help you successfully navigate a peaceful path to divorce.
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are
discreetly and conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.
Don’t stay in an abusive marriage! Take the first step and call me now!
Stay healthy and safe!
Call New York Divorce Lawyer and abuse expert, Lois Brenner today to book
your free consultation. 212.734.1551