Getting custody of your children when divorcing can be a challenge. Most
courts prefer a shared or joint custody arrangement.
When a parent wants sole custody, I tell them that they will have to show
the court why having sole custody will be in the best interest of the child.
With more than 35 years experience as a mediator and attorney, I skillfully
guide parents on how to prepare properly, both legally and psychologically,
so they get the sole custody they want.
If getting sole custody is important to you, here are some pointers:
Don’t Talk About Your Divorce With Your Children
You may be tempted to talk about the divorce, but don’t. Let your
children be children. Do not burden them with an adult subject. Don’t
demonstrate poor judgment. Don’t ask them questions about your spouse.
Don’t share details with your child.
Don’t Talk Negatively About Your Ex
Your children may ask difficult questions. It’s important to be honest,
but you need to be positive and not bad-mouth your spouse. Keep your opinions
and feelings to yourself. Don’t put the weight of speaking negatively
about your spouse on your child. Speak to family, friends or a therapist,
not to your child.
Don’t Misuse Alcohol or Drugs
Don't misuse alcohol or drugs especially when you are with your children.
This behavior will provide ammunition for your spouse. Making a poor choice
hurts your children. You cannot behave in any way that will put your children
at risk. Your role as a parent is to make good choices that will protect
Don’t Be Late for Visits
Don’t be late for visits because it disappoints your child! Show
up, arrive on time, show your children they matter. Let them know they
are a priority! Being irresponsible in this way can communicate to your
spouse or the court that you are not a committed parent. Divorce is very
hard on children. Try to demonstrate as often as possible that you are
reliable and their protector.
Going to court is not the only way to get custody of your child. You can
also discuss custody using the process of divorce mediation. If a parent
is not capable of having custody and understands this, custody can be
arranged mutually by the spouses without going into a court setting. As
a divorce mediator and attorney, I have helped many couples negotiate
custody arrangements that suit the needs of each spouse. Sometimes sole
custody serves the children better if there is a spouse who is medically
ill, mentally ill, abusive, dealing with an addiction, abandonment or
If you need help with custody of any type, sole or joint, I can help you
secure the type of custody that will be in the “best interest of
For more than 35 years I have fought for the rights of children and their
families in the divorce process as a mediator and attorney.
Let me help you and your family. Call me now to schedule your free consultation. All our
FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conducted virtually to reduce risk.
I look forward to helping you secure the custody of your child.
Stay healthy and safe!
New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner is available for a FREE consultation.