Do you feel shocked? Angry? Sick? Scared?
It is not unusual for a spouse to hear with no warning from the other that
they want a divorce.
This is painful and can be overwhelming.
I receive calls, sometimes on Mondays or after a holiday weekend from scared,
shocked spouses who were told that their spouse no longer wants to be married.
Sometimes a spouse simply wants a different life. For some it is another
woman or man, for some a midlife crisis, for others discovering they are
gay and living a lie, and for still others psychological issues or financial
Struggling relationships often end in divorce because the couple has stopped
trying and drifted apart. Feelings are ignored and more often than not,
one spouse wants to stay, while the other spouse wants to go.
Couples over the last few years have become disconnected emotionally and
physically. Most people who are contemplating divorce struggle with the
question as to whether or not divorce is the right decision.
I tell couples during my divorce mediation process to talk about divorce
in detail before ending their marriage.
When a spouse decides to end a marriage they have often made this decision
in response to their needs not being met, a breakdown in communication,
or simply not wanting to be married any longer.
Once you have the “divorce conversation,” it’s very important
to get the proper guidance and professionals to support you.
My role as a divorce attorney and mediator is to be supportive in a sad
and difficult transition. I can pave the path to productive discussions
amidst a flurry of very high emotions. I can help you find your “voice
of reason” so that decisions are made in your best interest.
Here is some guidance if your spouse has just told you they want a divorce.
- Speak with a divorce attorney/mediator. Find out what your rights are,
and what you are entitled to;
- Consider mediation - mediation is less stressful, not adversarial, more
manageable, amicable, cost effective and less time consuming;
- Don’t rehash the past or obsess about having to know “why”.
Divorce is about moving forward with knowledge and dignity. Knowing “why”
will not be productive and it won’t put numbers on a piece of paper;
- Acknowledge your emotions! They will range from tears, to anger, to wanting
revenge. It’s okay to feel sad and hurt!;
- Don’t try to hold on to someone who wants out. You don’t need
to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t want to
be with you. You deserve much better!;
- Start pulling together the important information you will need: tax documents,
investment accounts, W-2’s, property titles, life insurance policies,
and pension statements. Don’t forget to take a look at your expenses
and start developing a budget.
If your spouse has just told you they want a divorce, call me. I can help
you sort through the feelings and legal possibilities. I can offer you
divorce options and provide emotional support. I would be happy to speak
with you and your spouse if mediation is possible to offer a less painful,
less expensive approach to your divorce.
Having successfully served NYC for over 35 years as an experienced New
York divorce attorney and medically-trained mediator, I can assure you
a divorce with dignity is possible.
Call me to schedule a free discreet consultation. 212.734.1551.
I look forward to speaking with you!
If your spouse has just told you they want a divorce, call Lois Brenner!
New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner is available to help you with your
divorce right now!
We can book a consultation for you immediately!