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Starting Over


I often tell my clients going through a divorce, the only predictability in life is change. We all dread and reluctantly develop coping mechanisms for managing the inevitable change that is part of being human. In order to make good use of the curve balls life throws at us, it’s best if we can do more than just cope. We have to embrace changes, prepare for them when we can, and face them head on when we get hit from behind. A new beginning can be scary, but it can also be exciting. Choosing change can be empowering!

A new start for some of us might be starting a second career, getting married for the first time at an older age, buying an amazing new piece of technology or gaining a new degree, as I did when I became a physician assistant. For others change might be fixing a bad habit, leaving a miserable marriage after many years, or deciding to end an unhealthy codependent relationship. While new beginnings can be exhilarating, they can also force us to learn new skills and stretch outside of our comfort zone.

As is the case with some of my divorce clients, change can be beyond your control. This really requires strength and resilience. This type of change is often harder to handle emotionally because you are not in control. Someone, or something else has created change in your life. This might happen due to a divorce, disaster, illness or death. This kind of change stirs up all kinds of feelings. This type of starting over is unexpected, but necessary.

Big life transitions like these are powerful times in our lives. We are invited to release what is outworn in our lives and allow space for new life to flow in. It’s hard to imagine a new chapter of your life is starting in the midst of such pain and confusion. But every ending is a new beginning. Change is an invitation to recreate our lives, and ourselves. It is often a time to flourish in ways you might never have considered. It can be an unexpected opportunity and a blessing.

Don’t sidestep change. Remember, starting over requires confidence, courage and the determination to be better!