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5 Red Flags That You're in an Abusive Relationship


5 Red Flags That You’re in an Abusive Relationship

It’s Time to Get Out!

Every woman who thinks she is the only victim of violence has to know that there are many more.
— Salma Hayek

It is often said, “the meek will inherit the earth,” but unfortunately sometimes the meek also inherit abusive relationships. In society we typically think of meek as weak and subservient but there are also those who have high powered careers and look dapper in a suit who display characteristics of meekness in other aspects of their lives.

All too often as a divorce attorney and mediator I hear a person who has suffered from abuse from their soon-to-be ex-spouse say when the two of them first got together it was all flowers, hand-written cards, and boxes of candy. Yet soon after their wedding night their spouse’s abusive behavior began to surface and they “never saw it coming.”

Here are some signs you are in an abusive relationship:

  • Name Calling: This is a nasty little psychological tactic of an abusive person to try to raise their status over the person they’re mistreating.
  • Playing the blame game: Someone does not take responsibility for their actions or missteps is not an adequate partner, especially when they erroneously put the blame for their failure onto you. Failure is a wonderful tool to help us grow and learn from our mistakes, but someone who chooses not to see it that way isn’t growing as a person—and is more than likely growing apart from you.
  • Verbal arguments escalating to physical abuse: This one is more than a red flag, it’s a king-sized alarm clock giving you a wake up call that your partner is not the right one for you. If it happens once, it’s more than likely to happen again and it usually gets worse.
  • Manipulative: It seems pretty self explanatory, but a potential abuser will prey on your emotions and fears to get you to do their bidding. They might even go as far as forbidding you to see a specific friend or from going certain places. In some cases the abuser will do everything they can to get their future or current spouse to quit their job,—not because they care about their comfort but because they want the other person to rely solely on them so they can leverage that reliance to keep the other person in a weaker position. They subtly separate you from your sources of support – people and money.
  • Subtle attacks on your character and abilities: This one is a bit of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The abusive partner might smile and act very polite while telling you you’re no good at your chosen field, you’ll never achieve your goals and dreams, or you’re not pretty or thin enough.

Sadly it can take weeks, months, and even years to muster the courage to leave an abusive relationship and dissolve a marriage. It’s never too late. Find the courage and take your first step today!

If you have any questions about your abusive relationship or need help in obtaining a divorce in a safe and supportive environment call me. I’m here to listen and help. 212-734-1551.