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4 Dont's - If You Want Custody


Getting custody of your children when divorcing can be a challenge.

Most courts prefer a shared or joint custody arrangement. When a spouse wants sole custody, I often tell them that they will have to show having sole custody will be in the best interest of the child. As a divorce attorney and mediator, I guide clients on how to prepare properly so they get the sole custody they want.

If getting sole custody is important to you, here are some of my suggestions:

Don’t Talk Negatively About Your Ex

Your children may ask difficult questions. It’s important to be honest, but you need to be positive and not bad-mouth your spouse. Keep your opinions and feelings to yourself. Don’t put the weight of speaking negatively about your spouse on your child. Speak to family, friends or a therapist, not to your child.

Don’t Misuse Alcohol or Drugs

Don't misuse alcohol or drugs especially when you are with your children.

This behavior will provide ammunition for your spouse. Making a poor choice hurts your children. You cannot behave in any way that will put your children at risk. Your role as a parent is to make good choices that will protect your children.

Don’t Be Late For Visits

It disappoints your child! Show up, arrive on time, show your children they matter. Let them know they are a priority! Being irresponsible in this way can communicate to your spouse or the court that you are not a committed parent. Divorce is very hard on children. Try to demonstrate as often as possible that you are reliable and their protector.

Don’t Talk About Your Divorce With Your Children

You may be tempted to do so, but don’t. Let your children be children.

Do not burden them with an adult subject. Don’t demonstrate poor judgment. Don’t ask them questions about your spouse. Don’t share details with your child.

Going to court is not the only way to get custody of your child. You can also discuss custody using the process of divorce mediation. If a parent is not capable of having custody and understands this, custody can be arranged mutually by the spouses without going into a court setting.

As a divorce mediator, I have helped many coupes negotiate custody arrangements that suit the needs of each spouse. Sometimes sole custody serves the children better if there is a spouse who is medically ill, mentally ill, abusive, dealing with an addiction, abandonment, or incarceration.

If you need help with custody of any type, sole or joint, I can help you secure the type of custody that will be in the “best interest of your child.”

For over 35 years, I have fought for the rights of children and their families in the divorce process.

Let me help you and your family. Call me now to schedule your free consultation.

During the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic, all our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are convenientlyconducted virtually to reduce risk and maintain safety.

I look forward to helping you secure the custody of your child.

Stay Home, Stay Healthy and Stay Safe!

Warm regards,


New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner is available for a FREE consultation. Call 212.734.1551.