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The Psychology of Divorce


With over 35 years of experience as a divorce attorney and psychologically trained mediator, I am a strong advocate for divorce with dignity. I have mastered techniques using psychology and sound legal strategy to get couples through the divorce process without going insane or draining their bank accounts.

In my many years of practicing law and medicine and treating personality and mood disorders, I have learned that separation and divorce are not simply legal issues. Psychological issues drive the divorce process in a crucial way.

After witnessing the emotional pain of many couples day after day, I decided to develop a unique psychologically infused mediation process to tackle divorce in a more humane and civil way. My divorce technique addresses both the head (legal strategy), and heart (emotions)

of the divorce process. This ground-breaking method of marrying legal strategy and psychology saves couples time, money and pain.

The central truth about divorce today is that divorce is a “psychological” experience. Divorce is far more than just what’s in the court papers, or what a judge decides. Divorce is about people, psychology and the emotional health of a couple. The traditional divorce system is a conflict-based, lengthy, and expensive process that completely ignores the psychological components of

divorce and is far more concerned with conflict and cost.

Why fight when you can discuss, negotiate, and participate in a thoughtful and peaceful divorce process? My divorce mediation method involves behavior

modifications, the use of psychology - identifying personality and character traits, emotions,

family dynamics, and applying the law to develop strategies for a more positive experience and

successful outcome. My divorce approach is powerful, positive and productive with a special emphasis on the psychology of divorce!

Mediation is a negotiated process between divorcing spouses on the important issues: finances,

property, spousal and child support, custody and visitation. As the divorce mediator, my role is to keep you talking, on track, to make sure negotiations are reasonable and to offer creative suggestions when you hit a roadblock.

The focus of mediation is for you to control your own divorce. Spouses have the opportunity to discuss their personal needs and priorities and to arrive together at an agreement that is fair to both of them.

What divorcing couples feel, think and do has a huge impact on both the process and the substantive outcome of divorce. Using my divorce method, divorcing couples can get better results and make their journey less adversarial.

For couples who have never traveled the divorce path before, it can be scary, confusing and overwhelming. When it comes to divorce, the legal system is, by its very nature is adversarial, pitting people against each other with the promise of only one winner and with no room for

compromise. I say, “ If you once were in love, able to organize your lives and build a life together, you should be able to discuss and plan your lives to dissolve your marriage and to live apart.”

I often explain to spouses that with mediation there are no losers; everyone is a winner. Mediation offers the opportunity to see your divorce and your spouse through a different lens.

As individuals go through the process of separation and divorce, it would be unnatural if people did not have feelings. Husbands and wives may feel hurt, angry, disappointed, scared, insulted and/or abused. As a result, divorcing individuals frequently do the following things, which raise the stakes and often cannot be undone:

1. Take all of the money out of joint savings, checking and investment accounts;

2. Change the locks on the marital residence;

3. Prevent their spouse from seeing the children;

4. Stop paying household bills;

5. Cut off access to credit cards or use them to charge up a storm;

6. Turn off the family phone plan;

7. Insult each other;

8. Threaten a spouse, saying things such as "I will take the children away from you" and “I will not pay the bills.”

I cannot emphasize enough how many divorcing couples have either done these things or tell me they are planning to do them. Spouses do things out of anger and fear to protect themselves from what they anticipate the other will do and for revenge.

At a first consultation, I discuss strategy with clients to determine what steps should and should not be taken so the client is making choices based on logic and choices that will not be used against him or her or end up in court when litigation can be reasonably avoided without unfortunate consequences.

Have I gotten your attention? Would you like to learn more about my highly successful psychologically-infused divorce mediation process?

If so, call me. I will answer all your questions.

Having a highly skilled and effective attorney/mediator to help facilitate a healthy, informative, conversation about divorce can be an effective first step. Let’s take it together.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are veryinformative and conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.

Call me to learn what is possible!

I look forward to speaking with you.

Stay healthy and safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation. 212.734.1551