As wedding bells chime and your big day approaches, your heart is likely full of love, excitement, and dreams of your shared future. But before you walk down the aisle, there's a practical, powerful conversation that every couple deserves to have. It’s the prenup conversation.
As a seasoned psychological trained matrimonial attorney and mediator, I have spent decades guiding couples through the legal and emotional dimensions of marriage. My advice? Don’t ignore the financial side of love.
Instead, approach it with the same care, respect, and honesty that you bring to everything else in your relationship.
Here’s how I suggest you speak with your fiancé about prenuptial agreements in a healthy, empowering way before you say your vows!
Why Start This Conversation Now?
Many couples shy away from the topic of prenuptial agreements, fearing it signals distrust or pessimism. In reality, it's the opposite.
A prenuptial agreement:
- Creates clarity around money, property, and responsibilities
- Prevents future conflict by setting expectations early
- Protects both partners, especially in second marriages or blended families
- Encourages honesty in one of the most important areas of your life together
I tell couples, "A prenuptial agreement doesn’t mean you plan to divorce. It means you’re smart enough to plan for every possibility."
Here’s my Prenup Conversation Starter for Engaged Couples
Use the following gentle and respectful script to begin the conversation. You can adapt the tone to suit your personality or relationship dynamic but the key is honesty and openness.
Conversation Opener:
"I love you, and I’m so excited about building a future together. As we get closer to the wedding, I think it’s important we talk about how we want to handle our finances and protect each other, no matter what the future holds. I’ve been reading about prenuptial agreements, not because I expect anything to go wrong, but because I think it’s a mature way to plan for our life as a team."
Here are some topics I suggest you discuss:
- What do we each bring into the marriage?
Assets, debts, property, family businesses, inheritances. Being transparent helps build trust. - How do we define shared vs. separate property?
Do you want to keep premarital assets separate? Will future income or investments be shared? - What happens if one of us steps back from a career to raise children?
Can the prenup protect the non-earning spouse? - How will we handle property purchased together?
Outline who will own what, especially if one partner is contributing more financially. - What about spousal support or alimony?
Would either partner waive it? Under what conditions? - What are our shared goals for saving, spending, and investing?
A prenup conversation is the perfect entry into long-term financial planning.
Prenup as Partnership, Not Protectionism
I encourage couples to think of the prenup not as a legal shield, but as a partnership agreement. One that protects your love, your legacy, and your voice, especially when life takes unexpected turns.
This isn’t just for the wealthy. It’s for any couple who values fairness, structure, and mutual respect. Whether you’re entering a first marriage in your twenties or blending families later in life, a prenup gives both partners peace of mind.
How to Make It a Positive Experience
- Choose the right time (not in the middle of a fight or a rushed week).
- Frame it with love and clarity: “I want us both to feel protected and secure.”
- Consider a neutral setting or even a premarital financial counselor.
- Don’t wait until the last minute. Begin the process before the wedding.
I tell couples: “Prenups should never feel forced. They should feel fair, discussed, and mutually understood.”
My background is unique as a psychologically trained family law attorney and mediator. It allows me to guide couples through prenuptial agreements with compassion and neutrality. I have drafted thousands of prenuptial agreements over decades.
You're spending months designing the perfect ceremony, picking just the right flowers, music, and vows. But your marriage deserves just as much planning.
Remember, a prenuptial agreement is not a sign of doubt. It’s a sign of maturity, communication, and care.
If you have any questions about prenuptial agreements, please call me to schedule your free consultation right now at 212.734.1551.
As you get ready to walk down the aisle, remember my advice:
“You’re not just planning for a day. You’re planning for a lifetime.”
I look forward to speaking with you!
Warm regards,
Lois