When facing divorce, one of the most critical decisions you will make comes before any paperwork is filed: Will you pursue litigation or mediation?
For many people, especially those navigating high-conflict, emotionally charged, or financially complex marriages, this choice shapes not only the outcome of the divorce, but their mental health, financial security, and long-term well-being.
As a divorce attorney and mediator with a medical background, I have guided countless clients through this decision with one central principle in mind:
Divorce should resolve conflict, not create more of it.
Understanding the difference between litigation and mediation is the first step toward making a smarter, healthier choice.
Let’s talk about it!
Understanding Divorce Litigation
Divorce litigation is the traditional court-based process. Each spouse hires an attorney, positions become adversarial, and a judge ultimately decides unresolved issues such as property division, support, and parenting arrangements.
Litigation Often Involves:
- Court appearances and motion practice
- Public filings and hearings
- Aggressive legal positioning
- Lengthy timelines
- Escalating legal fees
- Emotional and psychological strain
Litigation assumes that both parties can act rationally, follow rules, and compromise when necessary. In high-conflict marriages, or when one spouse is narcissistic, manipulative, or emotionally volatile, those assumptions often collapse.
Understanding Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation is a structured, private process in which a neutral professional (like myself) helps spouses resolve issues outside of court. When done properly, mediation is strategic, disciplined, and outcome-focused.
My mediation approach is medically informed and psychologically grounded, and legally strategic making it especially effective in complex or high-conflict cases.
Mediation Offers:
- Privacy and confidentiality
- Greater control over outcomes
- Faster resolution
- Lower overall costs
- Reduced stress and emotional harm
- A more respectful, contained process
Mediation is not about “giving in.” It is about resolving disputes intelligently.
Mediation vs. Litigation: Key Differences
Issue | Litigation | Mediation |
Control | Judge decides | Parties retain control |
Privacy | Public court | Confidential |
Cost | Often very high | Typically far lower |
Timeline | Many years | Months |
Emotional impact | High stress | Health-centered |
Conflict level | Escalates | Contained and managed |
For many clients, particularly professionals and parents, these differences are decisive.
Why My Perspective Is Different
I am uniquely positioned to guide clients through this decision because I understand divorce as both a legal and psychological process. With a medical background in addition to my legal training, I recognize how chronic stress affects:
- Judgment and decision-making
- Emotional regulation
- Physical health and sleep
- Parenting capacity
- Professional performance
Traditional litigation often amplifies stress, fueling reactivity and prolonging emotional harm. Lois Brenner’s mediation model is designed to reduce that harm while still achieving strong legal outcomes.
When Litigation May Be Necessary
There are circumstances where litigation cannot be avoided, such as:
- Immediate safety concerns
- A complete refusal to disclose financial information
- Extreme power imbalances
- Court intervention needed for enforcement
Even in these situations, I, along with my team, helps clients approach litigation strategically; minimizing exposure and emotional damage whenever possible.
Why Mediation Often Works—Even in High-Conflict Divorces
Many people assume mediation cannot work if one spouse is difficult or manipulative. In reality, my unique mediation process is a structured mediation and is very effective in these cases.
Lois Brenner’s mediation approach:
- Establishes firm boundaries
- Limits emotional manipulation
- Anticipates high-conflict behavior
- Keeps discussions focused and contained
- Prevents unnecessary escalation
Rather than rewarding aggression, mediation removes the incentives that often drive high-conflict behavior.
Choosing the Right Divorce Path Is a Strategic Decision
Divorce is not just about ending a marriage, it is about intelligently protecting your future.
The right process can:
- Preserve your mental and physical health
- Protect your finances
- Shield children from unnecessary conflict
- Maintain privacy and dignity
- Allow you to move forward with clarity
The wrong process can do lasting damage.
This is why working with me, an experienced professional who understands both the legal and psychological sides of divorce matters.
You do not need to decide today which path to take, but you do deserve informed guidance. I’m happy to show you the way.
Call now to schedule your confidential and free consultation 212.734.1551.
I will help you understand whether mediation or litigation is the right path for your specific situation. This conversation is designed to give you clarity, not pressure.
The right choice now can make all the difference later.
I look forward to speaking with you.
Warmly,
Lois