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New York Divorce Blog

Blog 2021 September What Not to Do if You Want Custody of Your Children
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What Not to Do if You Want Custody of Your Children

Posted By Lois M. Brenner, Esq. || 24-Sep-2021

Getting custody of your children when divorcing can be a big challenge. As a child custody specialist, I can guide you successfully through the process!

Most courts prefer a shared or joint custody arrangement. When a parent wants sole custody, I often tell them that they will have to show having sole custody will be in the best interest of the child.

For over 35 years, as a divorce attorney, mediator and child custody specialist, I have guided thousands of parents on how to prepare properly so they get the custody arrangement they want.

Parents can sabotage their chances of custody if they are not careful.

If getting custody of your children is important to you, here are some of my suggestions:

1. Don’t Talk Negatively About Your Ex

Your children may ask difficult questions. It’s important to be honest, but you need to be positive and not bad-mouth your spouse. Keep your opinions and feelings to yourself. Don’t put the weight of speaking negatively about your spouse on your child. Speak to family, friends or a therapist, not to your child.

2. Don’t Misuse Alcohol or Drugs

Don't misuse alcohol or drugs, especially when you are with your children.

This behavior will provide ammunition for your spouse. Making a poor choice hurts your children. You cannot behave in any way that will put your children at risk. Your role as a parent is to make good choices that will protect your children.

3. Don’t Be Late For Visits

Don’t make this mistake! It disappoints your child! Show up, arrive on time, show your children they matter. Let them know they are a priority! Being irresponsible in this way can communicate to your spouse or the court that you are not a committed parent. Divorce is very hard on children. Try to demonstrate as often as possible that you are reliable, their protector, and you love them.

4. Don’t Talk About Your Divorce With Your Children

You may be tempted to do so, but don’t. Let your children be children.

Do not burden them with an adult subject. Don’t demonstrate poor judgment. Don’t ask them questions about your spouse. Don’t share details with your child.

5. Don’t Refuse to Follow Court Requests!

If you want to win custody, it's important to honor every request the court makes of you. Don't refuse to do anything the court is asking of you. You must show the court you are all-in as a parent. If the court thinks you would benefit from a parenting class-take it! If counseling is necessary-do it right away!

It’s time to show everyone how far you are willing to go to be a great parent!

6. Don’t Lie

When you want custody, don’t lie about your ex!

No unfounded allegations of abuse or stories about addiction that don’t exist to get custody. Any lies you tell about your spouse will come back to bite you! Lies will most definitely hinder your chances at getting custody!

Going to court is not the only way to get custody of your child. You can also discuss custody using the process of divorce mediation. If a parent is not capable of having custody and understands this, custody can be arranged mutually by the spouses without going into a court setting.

This process is more family-friendly, less expensive, and can happen quicker than going to court!

As a divorce attorney, mediator, and child custody specialist, I have helped many parents negotiate custody arrangements that suit the needs of each parent.

Sometimes sole custody serves the children better if there is a spouse who is medically ill, mentally ill, abusive, dealing with an addiction, abandonment, or incarceration.

If you need help with custody of any type, sole or joint, I can help you secure the type of custody that will be in the “best interest” of your child.

For over 35 years, as a divorce attorney/mediator, and child custody specialists, my litigation partner and I have fought for the rights of children and their families in the divorce process.

We are the child custody dream team!

Let us help you and your family. Call now to schedule your free consultation.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.

We look forward to helping you secure the custody of your child.

Stay healthy and safe!

Warm regards,

Lois

If you want custody of your child, call child custody specialist New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation 212.734.1551.

Categories: Child Custody

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Lois M. Brenner, Esq.

Lois M. Brenner, Esq. New York Divorce Attorney 12 East 86th St,
Suite 1230,
New York, NY 10028

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