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Do You Want to Divorce an Abusive Wife?


As a psychologically trained divorce attorney/mediator for over 35 years, I have helped many women in abusive relationships, but I’ve also helped abused men too!

Men abused by their wives are entitled to be believed, heard, and helped. A man being abused by his wife is entitled to a divorce, if that is what they need to do!

Abuse can come in many forms, both physical and psychological. Psychological abuse can be as equally damaging as physical, if not more.

Divorcing an abusive wife can be difficult because of the intense emotional bond that existed when the marriage was new. Abuse wears at the fiber of marriage, and men being abused often deal with shame and feel embarrassed to talk about it.

I have often seen abusive wives use the children to manipulate the husband and to maintain control in a relationship. Men often worry about losing their children, assets, property, and pensions should a divorce occur.

When abused husbands contact me, I provide a safe and supportive environment for them to express their feelings and give them a platform to be heard, respected, and understood. In addition, for those that might not recognize they are in an abusive relationship, I can help them realize they are being abused and provide support and suggestions on how to productively and safely engage with their spouse or not.

By the time a man consults with me, he is already considering separation, possibly divorce, but often feels really conflicted.

For men not totally sure they are being abused in their marriage, here are some examples of what abuse looks like:

Your wife is:

1 .) Constantly putting you down;

2 .) Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;

3 .) Refusing to communicate;

4 .) Using sarcasm and an unpleasant tone of voice;

5 .) Using children or money for control;

6 .) Withholding affection;

7 .) Always making you feel guilty;

8 .) Making everything your fault;

9 .) Isolating you from friends and family;

10.) Having extramarital affairs.

I often advise husbands being abused by wives to create an exit strategy. I suggest they get educated and discuss what documentation to gather. I recommend they start making copies of everything. We discuss finances, children, possible approaches to a divorce. I explain mediation vs. litigation in detail.

And I do encourage mediation since it’s less adversarial, not as expensive as fighting in court, and the divorce happens quickly.

For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to discuss their marital issues, we conference a virtual meeting so I can help them as a couple navigate a civil and informed discussion.

My psychologically infused divorce mediation method includes:

1 .) Listening to both parties;

2 .) Acknowledging what they both need and want;

3 .) Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;

4 .) Discouraging talking about the past;

5 .) Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in the room” with both;

6 .) Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions to thrive;

7 .) Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal issues like child custody, spousal support, visitation, asset allocation and property division, just to name a few;

8 .) Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems, whether it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs too deep and communication is impossible.

If you find yourself hurt and confused and abused by your wife and are thinking of separation or divorce, call me.

I can help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and I will help you successfully navigate a peaceful path to divorce.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are discreetly and conveniently conducted virtually to reduce risk.

Don’t stay in an abusive marriage! Call me!

Stay healthy and safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer and abuse expert, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551