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10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating on You and What You Can Do About It!

10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating on You and What You Can Do About It!

Discovering that your spouse may be cheating on you is a distressing and challenging situation. While signs of infidelity do not definitively prove they are cheating, they may indicate the possibility of an affair.

As a medically trained divorce attorney/mediator, I advise spouses that it's important to approach the situation with caution and sensitivity. Be prepared for what you might find!

From my over 35 years of working with cheating spouses, I have developed a list of ten telltale signs that your spouse may be cheating on you:

1. Sudden Changes in Behavior

Becoming more secretive, distant, or defensive. They may also show a lack of interest in activities or conversations that they previously enjoyed.

2. Increased Secrecy With Their Phone

If your spouse becomes overly protective of their phone, such as guarding it closely, setting passcodes, or suddenly being secretive about their messages or calls, it could be a sign of infidelity.

3. Unusual Working Hours or Frequent Business Trips

Your spouse may start working late regularly or going on more business trips than usual. These could provide opportunities for them to spend time with someone else.

4. Lack of Intimacy and Emotional Distance

If there is a sudden decline in physical intimacy or your spouse appears emotionally distant, it may indicate that their attention and affection are directed elsewhere.

5. Unexplained Expenses or Financial Discrepancies

Look out for unexplained expenses on credit card statements or discrepancies in finances. This could suggest that your spouse is spending money on activities related to an affair.

6. Changes in Appearance

Your spouse might start paying more attention to their appearance, such as dressing differently, losing weight, or adopting new grooming habits. While this alone doesn't indicate infidelity, it could be a factor to consider.

7. Increased Arguments and Defensiveness

A cheating spouse may become defensive or argumentative when confronted about their behavior. They may try to deflect blame or avoid discussing the issue altogether.

8. Unavailability and Excuses

If your spouse frequently makes excuses for not being available, cancels plans at the last minute, or is vague about their whereabouts, it could be a sign that they are spending time with someone else

9. Unusual or Secretive Social Media Activity

Your spouse may exhibit secretive behavior on social media, such as creating new accounts, changing privacy settings, or hiding their online activity from you.

10. Gut Feeling and Intuition

Trust your instincts. If something feels off in your relationship and your gut is telling you that your spouse may be cheating, it's worth exploring further.

Discovering that your spouse is cheating on you can be an incredibly painful and emotionally challenging experience.

As a divorce attorney/mediator, when I speak to brokenhearted spouses, they share with me their feelings of betrayal, anger, and confusion.

While dealing with these emotions, it's essential to understand the steps you should take if you decide that divorce is your best course of action.

Seek Emotional Support

Before proceeding with any legal steps, it's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide the support you need during this difficult time. Talking to someone can help you process your emotions and make clearer decisions moving forward.

Gather Evidence

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, it's essential to gather evidence to support your claims. Document any suspicious behavior, conversations, or other relevant information. This evidence can be useful during divorce proceedings, especially if infidelity affects child custody, alimony, or division of assets.

Consult With an Attorney/Mediator

Once you have decided to pursue a divorce, it's vital to consult with a reputable family law attorney who specializes in divorce cases. They will guide you through the legal process, explain your rights, and help you understand the potential outcomes based on your specific circumstances.

Consider Mediation or Collaborative Divorce

If you and your spouse are open to it, alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation or collaborative divorce can help you reach a more amicable settlement. These processes involve working with neutral professionals who can facilitate communication, negotiation, and problem-solving without going to court.

Secure Your Finances

When infidelity is involved, it's crucial to protect your financial interests. Monitor joint accounts, gather financial documents, and consider opening a separate bank account in your name. Notify credit card companies and financial institutions about the potential divorce to prevent unauthorized transactions.

If you are experiencing any, or all of the above, please call me to go over your case, and to discuss your concerns.

If you are moving towards divorce due to infidelity, I can help you navigate the process with strong psychological support and fair, strategic legal planning to keep your life intact and to help get you and your family the best possible results.

As a psychologically trained and highly experienced divorce attorney and mediator with a successful track record of over 35 years, I can help you!

I look forward to speaking with you!

Warm regards,


Don’t stay in an unhappy marriage with a cheating spouse!

Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your free consultation! 212.734.1551