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Is Your Wife Abusing You?


I have worked with quite a few men over the last 35 years who all found themselves in very emotionally abusive relationships with their wives.

In particular, in the last two years, abuse has heightened while couples were in quarantine due to the coronavirus, and they just couldn’t take it any more.

When we think of spousal abuse we often hear the wife is being abused, but men get abused too!

For a man, recognizing he is being abused is often difficult and emotionally distressing. In some cases, he doesn’t even realize that he is being abused. For a man there can be shame and embarrassment attached to knowing he is being abused by his wife.

As a psychologically-trained medical professional and divorce attorney, I am uniquely qualified to work with men in abusive relationships, and I have worked with many!

First, I provide a safe and supportive environment to tell their story, express their feelings, and give them a platform to be heard, respected and understood.

In addition, for those who might not recognize they are in an abusive relationship, I can help them realize they are being abused, and provide support and suggestions on how to productively and safely engage with their spouse or not.

By the time a man consults with me he is already considering separation, possibly divorce, but often feels really conflicted.

For those who want to invite their wives to participate in a dialogue to discuss the marital issues, we strategize an invitation to speak with me so I can help them as a couple navigate a civil and informed divorce discussion.

My psychologically infused divorce mediation method includes:

  1. Listening to both parties;
  2. Acknowledging what they both need and want;
  3. Encouraging them to speak to each other in productive ways;
  4. Discouraging talking about the past;
  5. Identifying the abusive behavior and addressing the “elephant in the room” with both;
  6. Providing a safe and supportive environment for productive discussions to thrive;
  7. Helping them address and make decisions together on all the important legal issues such as: child custody, spousal support, visitation, and property division, just to name a few;
  8. Guiding them towards the best solutions for their marital problems, whether it be therapy for possible reconciliation, mediation to dissolve the marriage in a peaceful manner, or in some cases litigation because the anger runs too deep and communication is impossible.

Some of you may be asking - “What does abuse look like?” Here are a few clues:

  1. Constantly putting you down;
  2. Humiliating or embarrassing you in front of others;
  3. Refusing to communicate;
  4. Using sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice;
  5. Using children or money for control;
  6. Withdrawal of affection;
  7. Guilt trips;
  8. Making everything your fault;
  9. Isolating you from friends and family;
  10. Extramarital affairs.

If you find yourself hurt and confused by the behaviors of your wife and are thinking of separation or divorce, call me.

I can help you identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and I will help you successfully navigate a peaceful path to divorce.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are conducted virtually to reduce risk.

Stay healthy & safe!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer, Lois Brenner now to book your free consultation. 212.734.1551