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Let Me Help You Start the Dreaded Divorce Conversation!


Ken and Andrea have been married for 16 years. They have an 8-year-old daughter on the autism spectrum.

Ken is a tech specialist, and Andrea works part-time in an art gallery.

For the past 3 years, Ken has been concerned that his wife has been in denial about the extent of their daughter’s autism, and she is not willing to do everything possible to consider all types of treatment.

Ken has repeatedly asked his wife to take their daughter to see different experts and to try different modalities of treatment. He has begged his wife to pay more attention to their daughter’s emotional and psychological needs as well.

He decided to call me to discuss his concerns. He felt very disconnected from his wife for other reasons as well. He said they had grown apart and he was seriously considering divorce.

Ken said he decided to get a divorce for many reasons but most importantly to be in a stronger position to help his daughter. The problem? He was having a really difficult time telling his wife he wanted a divorce and he decided to call me to get some advice.

These days, this type of phone call for me is unfortunately the norm. With so many unhappy couples having spent so much time together over the last few years, lots of couples are reaching out for help.

The most asked question I receive is “How do I talk to my spouse about divorce? I can’t do this anymore, but I’m afraid to bring up divorce. What can I do?”

Here are a few suggestions I make to those seeking help that seem to work:

Suggest therapy to your spouse and bring up your dissatisfaction with the relationship while working with the therapist. Amazing, skilled therapists that are part of my team are very effective with this approach!

  1. Tell your spouse that you are concerned about the marriage and the distance in your relationship. You want to do what is in the best interest of the family and some uncomfortable discussions are necessary.
  1. Tell your partner that you seem to be on different paths and suggest that you spend some time separately with your children.
  1. Tell your spouse you think your relationship has been deteriorating, and ask his/her opinion.
  1. Discuss divorce in the context of negotiation or mediation which will permit the family to work with a third party who will facilitate healthy, progressive discussions in a compassionate, non-threatening environment.

No matter what the answer or reaction, it is important to try to avoid an argument. I know this is difficult.

It is important to try to just listen and acknowledge that you hear your spouse. Don't push the discussion into details, and don’t start bringing up issues from the past. This takes a lot of finesse and self-control. Don’t worry, I am here to help you!

As a highly experienced, psychologically-trained divorce attorney and mediator with more than 35 years of experience, I can guide you on several ways to approach the subject of divorce with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to call me.

All our FREE 1 HOUR CONSULTATIONS are still available virtually!

I look forward to helping you start your divorce conversation! I have got some really good ideas!

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner to learn how to approach your divorce conversation with your spouse!

Schedule your Free 1 Hour Consultation now!