Skip to Content

Steps to Take When Your Husband Tells You He Wants a Divorce!


First Breathe! You will be okay!

It is not unusual for a wife to all of a sudden hear from her husband that he wants a divorce. I receive calls all the time from wives who have just heard the devastating news!

There can be a lot of factors influencing a partner to come to this decision; a midlife crisis, another woman; financial difficulties; and sometimes mental health issues.

Struggling relationships often end in divorce because the couple has stopped trying and drifted apart. Feelings are ignored and, more often than not, one spouse wants to stay, while the other spouse wants to go. They have become disconnected emotionally and physically.

Every person who is contemplating divorce struggles with the question of whether or not divorce is the right decision.

I tell spouses to talk about divorce in detail before ending their marriage.

When a husband decides to end a marriage he has often made this decision in response to his needs not being met, a breakdown in communication, or simply not wanting to be married any longer.

Once a couple has the divorce conversation, it’s very important to get the proper guidance.

My role as a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator is to be a supportive ally in a difficult transition. I encourage spouses to pave the path to productive discussions amidst a flurry of very high emotions.

I suggest the following:

  1. Speak with a divorce attorney/mediator. Find out what your rights are and what you are entitled to;
  2. Strongly consider mediation - mediation is less stressful, more manageable, amicable, cost effective, and less time consuming;
  3. Don’t rehash the past or obsess on having to know “Why.” Divorce is about moving forward with knowledge and dignity. Knowing “why” will not make the process any easier;
  4. Manage your emotions! They will range from tears, to anger, to wanting revenge. It’s okay to feel all those emotions.
  5. Don’t try to hold on to someone who wants out. You don’t need to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t want you. You deserve much better!
  6. Start pulling together the important information you will need: tax documents, cancelled checks, investment statements, W-2s, property deeds, life insurance policies, and pensions.
  7. Get help. This is going to be a challenging process. Reach out to family and friends for support. Consider seeing a therapist, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. I often refer spouses to members of my all-inclusive divorce team for therapy and psychological assistance during this stressful time.

If I can help you with your divorce process please let me know.

I will be happy to speak with you and your spouse to explain the many benefits of mediation. Mediation is a family friendly approach to divorce and non-adversarial. Remember, divorce doesn’t have to be painful or divisive.

Having served NYC for over 35 years as a medically trained divorce attorney and mediator, I can tell you a divorce with dignity is possible. Mediation is a powerful and productive solution.

Don’t be afraid! I know you must be surprised to hear your spouse wants a divorce, but you are not alone, and I’m here to help.

I would be happy to speak with you alone or with you and your spouse to explain the many benefits of mediation and how I will help you through this difficult time.

I look forward to speaking with you.

Warm regards,


Call New York Divorce Lawyer Lois Brenner now to schedule your consultation. 212.734.1551